Bad Day 113--Happy Halloween!

Child 1 is mad, really mad. Slamming doors mad. Stomping around the house mad. For once, I am not the object of her wrath--the healthcare system is. You see, I went to the specialist today to find out what is wrong with me. I really am losing weight because I can't eat anything but oatmeal and mashed potatoes. I've lost 8 pounds in a week and a half which I'm not sad about but is a little worrisome since I have been trying to lose weight for several decades now and I didn't go on the oatmeal diet on purpose. So the doctor asked me lots of questions and got very worried when I told her about the weight-loss and had me schedule some more tests--for December. And not the beginning of December either--this test date is much much closer to Christmas than I would like although if Husband manages to come home for Christmas, this will be payback for the time he scheduled Lasik on Christmas Eve and then was in bed until after New Year's. He still owes me big for that one, not including the bevvy of holidays he is missing this year.

Anyway, I think Child 1 is tired of me being sick because she is very, very angry that I couldn't get a test before December and she stomped off and slammed the door. She rather has a point. If I continue losing weight at this rate, by the time my examination date in December rolls around, I will weigh less than I did when I was in elementary school, and I wasn't that chubby back then and I was a lot shorter. And besides not being thrilled to think I have to feel this way for two more months, if I lose that much weight, it is going to cost me a small fortune in alterations because I don't know how to use office supplies to take in pants. Maybe staples?



The children are back from trick or treating and we have a LOT of candy left. It helps that I'm still buying like we live in Korea where Halloween was an excuse for everyone who knew an American to dump off their kids on the base and get candy, even if they can't say "trick or treat" in English and didn't bother with a costume. So we have enough chocolate to last Child 1 for a good long time, which I suppose was the goal all along since I told her she's too old to go trick or treating.

This former congressional campaign manager is having a worse day than me. He decided during the worst part of Hurricane Sandy to get on twitter and spread false rumors about the damage, I guess as a "joke." Ha, ha 'cause the joke's on him and he lost his job when people found out who he was, which they always do. So thank you, Mr. Clueless Idiot, for reminding me to be grateful that I only tweet poetry and that I'm not stupid enough to make fun of a devastating hurricane. Good luck finding a new job in politics, until someone realizes what a good liar you are and remembers how good that is for politicians. Sigh. I hate politics.

Bad Day 112--Happy Birthday!

Child 3 is having a birthday and is celebrating by being rude to political pollsters and hanging up on them. That's my girl! We survived Frankenstorm Sandy with nary a scratch and didn't even lose power. But just in case, Child 3 insisted that we buy her a pre-made birthday cake last week so that we would have something to celebrate with if the power was out. And I have to say that was a good idea because I am feeling better, but still not well enough to bake. Now if I can only remember where I put the candles, and the card, and most of the gifts. . . .

Work is back open and school is on tomorrow, so we will thankfully pick up our lives where they left off last week, feeling really grateful that we don't live in Hoboken or Point Pleasant because they look like this:



I'm too tired to write more. So I'll just get who is having a worse day than me and today that would be the people who went to dinner at this woman's house.



She is on a new TLC show called "extreme cheapskates" and she threw a dinner party and fed her guests on food she found by dumpster diving. Oh, and she's a millionaire. So thank you, Ms. Cheapskate, for reminding me to be grateful that I have never knowingly eaten food out of a dumpster, and I would never, ever feed that to guests. I wouldn't even feed them lasagna out of a box.

Bad Day 111--I thought there was supposed to be calm before a storm!

Sandy is approaching and things are getting tense around here--not because I fear the storm, but because yet again, the children are not listening to me and are not doing their homework which I am determined to have them finish before the power goes out because, darn it, they had all weekend and now it's Monday and couldn't they please just get. it. done! I have a feeling that teachers will not at all be sympathetic when they finally arrive back at school having had a long weekend to finish before the power went out. But I could be wrong. I suppose a miracle could happen and their entire school could blow away, but that is pretty unlikely since this is a hurricane and their school is on top of a hill, not on the beach or in a flood plain. Once, in Texas, a tornado blew the temporary buildings where all of the English classes were held into the house across the street. We were all thrilled (except for the owner of a house who must not have been happy to have trailers dumped on his home) because everyone thought it meant the slate was wiped clean, until someone, probably the principal  told us that teachers take their grade books home with them and since the tornado was overnight, the grades were all safe. But still, we got to have English in the gym for a while.

But having learned from the great Derecho last July, this time we are prepared and I am writing early to make sure none of you are disappointed by my inability to post with no power. The freezers are both full of ice to help keep the food cold longer. The laundry is done. We have lots of soup to heat up on the gas cook-top which we can use when the power is out, and my Kindle Fire is loaded up with reading material and is fully charged. We have gas in the car and lots of phone chargers, so I'll be able to check e-mail to see if there is school or work because I realized last night that all of the emergency notification systems assume that you have electricity! Not, perhaps, the best plan if your cordless phones don't work when the power is out and you can't check e-mail. Thank goodness for smart phones because I would hate to get ready for work tomorrow and get there to find out there isn't any.

Everyone in a boat off the Atlantic coast of the US is having a worse day than me. The HMS Bounty sunk off North Carolina and two crew are still missing.



A Disney cruise ship pitched so violently that the pool spilled over and all the guests were sick. Never fear, though, the Disney company nicely offered them all 25% off of their next cruise, wisely assuming that many of them will be so unhappy that they will never cruise again and Disney won't have to make good on the discount. So thank you, cruise passengers, for making me grateful that although I am sick to my stomach, I am not at the mercy of an evil corporation and when I go to sleep in my nice comfortable bed, it will be blissfully, and restfully perfectly still, not pitching around the Atlantic like some horrible ride at Disney World such as that big ship thing that goes up and down like a huge swing which I will never go on.

Bad Day 110--You can't hide

Sandy is my new best friend.



Now, I don't love hurricanes and I don't really like violent storms at all having grown up in Texas and being so scared I slept in the bathtub with my Dad's shooting earphones on to drown out the thunder. But I have to say I'm really grateful to Sandy for closing the federal government tomorrow so that I don't have to use another sick day to stay home. I used 4 last week. I haven't been this sick since Korea tried to kill me the first time I lived there. OK, the country didn't try to kill me on purpose, but I caught some horrible e-coli infection and ended up in the hospital for 9 days back when Korea really was a 3rd world country and it was not fun and I really did almost die. This isn't as bad as that, but it's still no fun and I'm a very impatient patient.

School is closed, too, and the children have already made lots of plans for fun things to do when the power goes out which it will probably do because our power goes out all the time even when there is no storm because apparently the US is a third world country, or at least our state is. I however, will be spending the day trying to figure out how to fix the very obvious big chunk of hair that Child 3 cut out of her head. She apparently used permanent marker to color her hair purple and then freaked out when it wouldn't come out with shampoo and thought I would be mad at her so she cut it off. Because apparently that is less noticeable than purple? Seriously children, stop trying to hide things from me. It's completely futile.

My friend "Rachel" in Hawaii sent me a link to a story about this woman in China who is having a worse day than me.



She had lots and lots of plastic surgery before she met her husband and ended up looking like this.



I personally think she was pretty enough before the surgery, but I am not a Chinese man or her husband who was so angry when she had a baby that didn't look like her that he first accused her of adultery and after she explained about the surgery, he sued her for divorce and damages and the judge agreed with him! Now, I'm not a demographer, but from everything I've read, this man has no right to be very picky and ought to be grateful that he has a wife at all since they are pretty short of women in China. So thank you, Mr. Picky, for reminding me to be grateful that Husband loves me no matter what size I am or how bad my hair looks. I hope you have a lot of money because that is what it will take to get a new wife. And to the ex-Mrs. Picky--he's not worthy of you and I hope you got custody of the baby.

Bad Day 109--So much glitter!

Today was the annual Trunk or Treat party at the church. For those of you unfamiliar with trunk or treats, it's a safe way for kids to go trick-or-treating. Everyone decorates their trunks and people go all out. The family that won this year turned the back of their SUV into a teepee with drums and a smoke machine and they all dressed as native Americans. We turned our trunk into the North Pole, and I have to say, it was way better than the teepee, but the judges didn't think so, even though Child 1 spent a day and a half painting the backdrop and made us all dress like elves. It was beautiful and a big hit and people said it looked like a Macy's store window and we totally should at least have placed. First place should have gone to my friend who made at least 100 twinkies into Minions from Despicable Me. It was amazing. They looked like this.



But now I am covered in glitter--my sheets, my hair, my clothes, my skin, the carpet, and I think it will never all come out of the car. Child 1 is disappointed that we didn't win anything and she is planning already for next year when she wants us to be cowboys. I said cowboys would be easy because I am a Texan after all. Child 2 asked me how do you decorate like a Texan, and I said that you make it look like the 4th of July threw up all over the back of your car, which I would know because being a Texan, I know that we're very patriotic. Also, the children need to practice saying y'all. "Happy Halloween, y'all!" I'm actually rather excited about the cowboy thing because it will give me a good excuse to get some boots. I had a great pair in college but my feet grew and now they don't fit and they are even too small for Child 3 who has pretty big feet for a kid, although my feet in college were fairly small.

This Canadian Mountie is having a worse day than me. OK, not this exact one but since I love Mounties, I just have to include a picture.

He was driving in a patrol car and came upon two moose. As he got close, the bull charged, jumped up on the vehicle, broke the bumper and kicked in the driver's side window, injuring the Mountie. This is the best line in the story: "Both the culprit and accomplice departed the area on hoof," the RCMP said in a statement. So thank you, Mr. Mountie, for reminding me how happy I am to live in an area without any moose, although we did see a beautiful white-tailed buck on the way to the Trunk or Treat and I am extremely glad it didn't jump on our car and break the window.

Bad Day 108--Bring it on!

Actually, no, please no more! I managed to survive today, but only with massive help. I hope that everyone whose husband is in Afghanistan and has a horrible stomach disease and lice has teenagers as wonderful as mine. One of them made cupcakes for the birthday party and decorated them without asking! And they were adorable. And the other one came with me to the restaurant to be errand girl and took children to the restroom and carried things and was altogether delightful. So because my two oldest children are amazing, the birthday party for the third one was a success. "Genevieve " came with me just in case and to keep me company which was really nice because I forget how nice it is to have an adult conversation over dinner. Plus her new baby is very cute.

I discovered that mashed potatoes and oatmeal don't make me violently nauseous like other foods and I am so happy! So I shared my news with the children and Child 1 said with pity, "Oh, you're like an old person! But you have teeth!"  So according to my lovely child, I look like this:



But to make it all better, Child 3 just gave me a get well card with a balloon attached to it. I have to say that someone is raising my children right.

This woman is having a worse day than me.



She may be the world's pickiest eater, which just makes me sad. Because if I had a choice, I would eat it all--eggplant, and asparagus, pasta, and fritattas, and dragonfruit, and mangosteen, and curries, and Pad Thai, and oh, the chocolate! I would eat oodles and oodles of chocolate. So to have the ability to eat all those things and turn them down is just the saddest thing in the world to me. So thank you, Ms. Picky Eater, for reminding me to be grateful that even if I can never eat those things again and I am stuck eating oatmeal and mashed potatoes for the rest of my life, I know what a Milka bar tastes like and the memory of that is a beautiful thing to have.

Bad Day 107--I surrender

I'm still sick and the doctor still doesn't know what is wrong. It's not gallstones, thank goodness, but I'm still unable to eat and too tired to do much. Oh, and Child 3 has lice. Lice! This is the child who has been growing out her hair for two years in order to be Rapunzel for Halloween and she has so much hair that we had to use two entire packages of the special shampoo stuff and it took an hour and 45 minutes to nit-pick her hair and all the while, I'm sick and keep having to stop and lie down because the smell isn't helping. And we had to change her sleepover birthday party tomorrow to dinner out, which actually isn't that bad but does involve calling everyone and telling them that plans have changed and why which is so embarrassing but the doctor told me that her kids have had lice so that makes me feel a little better.

But, on the good note side, the medicines I'm taking cause migraines as a side effect. OK, that wasn't good. But two good things did happen--our friends brought dinner, and "Betsy" sent me pizza from Taiwan which is I think the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.

She also sent a link to a story about this shark who is having a worse day than me, but not by much.



It was probably picked up by a bird and then accidently dropped 4 miles inland onto a golf course, completely freaking out the grounds keeper, who rescued the shark and drove it back to the ocean where it miraculously survived and swam away. So thank you unlucky shark, for reminding me to be grateful that I don't play golf.