Bad Day 13--Being Early Makes You Not Late

Today, I was almost late, but I wasn't because I was early. Let me explain, no, let me sum up. Child 3 and I arrived at summer camp a little early and waltzed in to sign her in when she looked at me and said, "LUNCH!" We had forgotten to pack her a lunch and there is no cafeteria at summer camp. So we rushed to the grocery store and searched up and down the aisles for those tuna and crackers lunches that don't have to be refrigerated because we also didn't have an ice pack, and we rushed back to summer camp, now a little late. Then I rushed to the metro and made it to work, just in the nick of time. See, this is why I like to be early, so that I'm not late.

But, you are thinking, if you had taken the time to remember the lunch, you could have left later and still not been late. The problem with this argument is that I forgot the lunch, and so therefore couldn't have left later, and the reason I forgot the lunch is that I have SIFD (Stress Induced Forgetfulness Disorder.) When I get stressed, I begin to forget things. Not facts, but actual physical items. It comes in threes, and then I know I need a vacation. Yesterday, I forgot the plane tickets at the McDonald's counter when I was buying the children breakfast. Today it was the lunch. If there is a third thing this week, then I will know it is vacation time.

Funny thing about the vacation, I am scheduled for leave to go to a Family Reunion, but unfortunately, that is NOT the same as a vacation. Here is what a vacation should include:  you go to a place that is not your home where there is no cooking and cleaning. There are no friends, family, or other people to distract you. Your children are so bored without aforementioned friends that they are forced to spend time with you for entertainment. You do things you can't do at home and you make lovely memories. When we went to New York and saw the Statue of Liberty and got on Good Morning America and met the Cake Boss, that was a vacation.

Here is why a Family Reunion is not a vacation: There is cooking. There is also cleaning and washing dishes. There are cousins to distract the children. Everyone ignores me and I sit in the hotel room and take naps or read a book while aforementioned children are nowhere to be found and there is cooking! For 50 people! And I have to bribe the children to spend time with me. This is not a vacation. This year Husband won't be there and everyone will be nice to me and then, as we discovered yesterday during The Church Incident, the sobbing will begin and it will not be a vacation. And there is not even a beach. So although it will be lovely to see Husband's family and at least I won't have to go to work, it will not be a vacation. The children will have a ball, but still, not a vacation.

Today, this girl is having a worse day than me.



You might think she looks like she is having a lot of fun, but she is supposed to be selling a suit. If she were really interviewing for a job with me, or any other employed American woman, she would not be hired. Because, she has no idea how to wear a suit or what it means to interview for a real job, the kind where you get paid for using your brain. As Judge Judy says, beauty is skin deep, but stupid is forever. So sorry, Plastic Blondie whom I will never buy a suit from. And thank you for reminding me that I have a great job where people value my education and critical thinking skills. (Points to the people who can find the Princess  Bride reference.)