Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Bad Day 15--Zombies aren't dead, they're just really tired.

I used to be able to sleep. When I was 20, I toured Europe on trains and slept sitting up for a month. I took a nap on a park bench in Geneva. I could sleep in cars, on planes, on sofas. And I would sleep like the dead, for hours and hours until someone would poke me to see if I was still alive.

All that stopped when Child 1 was born. I have never had a full night's sleep since. Husband does not have this problem. I've watched him fall asleep in meetings. Sometimes I have to sit next to him to poke him if it's an important meeting. Sometimes I just let people throw things at him for fun to see if they can wake him up. He falls asleep reading bedtime stories to the children. He sleeps through movies. He slept through Independence Day and Men In Black--two of the loudest movies ever. (I know they were loud because I could actually hear them.) It's entirely aggravating and it's so unfair. It's like a super-power, his ability to sleep. I should start calling him The Sleeper. Can't you just see the movie about The Sleeper roaming around Afghanistan in his bathrobe saving people by falling asleep?

This picture could actually be in Afghanistan except Husband says there is not much grass there. Afghanistan looks like this:

The supremely unfair part about the not sleeping is that I sleep even worse when Husband is not here. I have a year of this zombie-zoned-out-I-can't-even-remember-my-name state that I'm constantly in. My forgotten items list is up to 5. And today I forgot what day it was. I mean, why would Tuesday happen twice in one week? Pretty soon I'll even forget the names of the days of the week. I'll start referring to them as that day when you don't have school and we go to church or that day that I don't really like because it's in the middle.

As I write this, The Dog is mocking me by snoring while sleeping on my bed. I'm going to wake her up and make her go for a walk just to torture her. Because if I'm not sleeping, nobody should be sleeping.

Today, this man who wouldn't leave jail had a worse day than me. He was a little entitled and demanding for having just been released from jail. So thank you, Mr. Stubborn, for reminding me that I at least have never confused a jail cell for a hotel room.


  1. you don't give me much hope. Moses is a terrible sleeper, always has been, and I haven't slept well for a year and a half (even when he does). Everyone keeps telling me that I'll sleep better again one day. I've always been skeptical and now I can see that its all a lie.

  2. It is all a lie. It's the thing no one tells you before you become a parent. However, assuming your husband is not in Afghanistan, earplugs help.

  3. "Saving people while falling asleep!" Hahahaha. I just watched that movie in my head and it was hilarious.

  4. Now THAT is scary! Something ELSE we have in common and I wouldn't wish it on you for anything... I never slept well when Adonis was away. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Sigh...