Sunday, July 15, 2012

Bad Day 4--The Problem with Smart Children

The problem with my children is that they are smart. I have often believed that raising stupid kids would be a lot easier. If they were dumb, I could say to them, "Look, your Dad has been replaced by this smoothie. Drink up and feel the love." But there are only so many junk foods I can distract them with before they come to the conclusion that they would rather have their father home than eat Cheetos in bed.

Day 4 was a struggle. We got a late start because the maid service I hired came late. I know that you are thinking that this is not a bad problem to have, because hey, I have a maid service. It was one of the promises that Husband made to help make my life easier while he is in Afghanistan. When one's husband is in Afghanistan, one should not have to clean one's own toilets. So after weeks of searching for a housekeeper and deciding that women who send you pictures of themselves in bikinis are not good maid material and what kind of maid did they think I was hiring, I went with a maid service because they can come on weekends which is necessary because of The Dog.

We got The Dog because of Husband. It is entirely his fault. For years, I told my children we did not need a dog because we had a baby. This worked fine until the baby started asking why we couldn't have a dog. I would have found a good excuse but Husband chimed in and said the reason we couldn't have a dog was because we were moving to China and would live in an apartment and it would be too difficult to have a dog in a place with an elevator. He should have stopped there, but being a debater, he wanted to add more heft to his argument and he went on with if we moved somewhere like Korea where the housing had a yard with a fence, we could get a dog. So naturally, the place we moved after China was Korea where we had a yard with a fence and when the plane touched down, the children started asking when were we going to get a dog.

This is a picture of The Dog.

It wouldn't be so bad having a dog except for two things--she follows me around like a puppy in love and she treats everyone who comes to the house as if they are some kind of British fashion assassin who is out to get me. Husband and babies are the biggest threat, apparently. She really did not like Husband at the beginning, which I feel was appropriate since the whole dog thing was his fault anyway. Also birds and Hello Kitty are on her hit list. It would be great if she would protect me from things that might actually harm me (like bees and chocolate) but as attack dogs go, she is all bark and no bite (so far.) However, she can scare the dickens out of people so even though the maids could come when we are not home, we have to protect them from The Dog and we therefore had to wait to leave the house until they were done and they were late and took a LOOONG time because apparently my house had more dirt in it than I knew.

We did manage to Skype twice with Husband who made it as far as Dubai, although the first time he fell asleep while we were talking to him so apparently either we are extremely boring or he is jet lagged or maybe both. We also had family movie night and ate Cheetos in bed and only left a few crumbs which is not a problem because The Dog is very good at finding and eating crumbs. So all in all, not as bad a day as I expected despite the too small Olympic T-shirt which I decided to wear anyway.

As for people who had a worse day than me, my friend Hester wrote to tell me that her baby pooped in the bathtub while it had water in it and he had eaten tomatoes. Hester's husband is not in Afghanistan which is a point in her favor, but she doesn't have a maid service and had to clean it up herself so she wins for having a really bad day. Thank you, Hester, for reminding me that as bad as things are, at least my children are no longer in diapers and for that I am very grateful.

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