Friday, November 30, 2012

Bad Day 143--They were the footprints of a giant hound!

We're watching the new Sherlock (the BBC version. I haven't seen the CBS one.)

And we're eating Pirate's Booty which is puffy and cheesy and apparently gluten-free. If I actually had celiac disease, it might be a good substitute for Cheetos. I'm watching Sherlock to unwind after a very hectic day of running around trying to find the answers to very obscure questions that people called me to ask about because they thought I might know the answer. I must give off an aura of competency at work because I would never have thought to ask me so many questions. I know Child 2 thinks I know the answer to everything, but I really don't. I just know a lot more than Child 2. Someday, she will know more than me and all her illusions will be shattered.

Child 1 is snuggling with The Dog who refuses to get off my bed or leave my room. I think I mentioned before that she figured out how to open my door while it's still locked so there is no point in even shutting the door anymore. I honestly don't see why I'm so fascinating to her. The children bathe her, feed her, groom her, and walk her most of the time. I walk her once a day and spend the rest of the time ignoring her and telling her to get off the bed, yet it's me she loves. Luuuuvs me. Can't get enough of me. Must. be. near. me. All the time. It's so annoying. She's like that boy who liked me in high school and followed me around all the time and I couldn't stand him but nothing, nothing would convince him that I would never, ever like him. The only way I got rid of him was I moved away to college. Maybe that's what I should do. I should move so that The Dog can't find me. I don't want to get rid of the children, though and I don't think they'd leave The Dog behind. So I guess I'm not moving to Australia in my rail road train pajamas. (Seriously, has no one outside my family ever read that book?)

This man in Indiana is having a worse day than me. You can see why by this photo.

Eric Hartsburg, 30, poses for a photo showing his Romney-Ryan election logo tattoo Friday, Nov. 30, 2012 in Michigan City, Ind. Hartsburg, a professional wrestler, said he hoped the 5-by-2-inch tattoo would make politics more fun and had initially resigned himself to keeping it, but he is now planning to have it removed. (AP Photo/Teresa Crawford)

No, I am not mocking his choice of candidates because this is more important than politics. I am totally making fun of the fact that not only was he dumb enough to tattoo his face, he is wearing a pink scrunchie. In public. Apparently on purpose. So thank you, Mr. Dumb Tattoo, for reminding me to be proud that I haven't worn a scrunchie since 1995. Pink scrunchies are for little girls, and you sir, are no little girl. I can tell by the facial hair.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Bad Day 142--Good friend, no food.

Today I went to lunch with my mission president. I have mentioned before that I was a missionary for my church in Norway and the man who was in charge of all the missionaries when I was there was visiting DC and asked me out to lunch. It was lovely to see him again. I don't think I've seen him since I ran into him, almost literally, on the steps of the theater in Shanghai--which was a total trip. It's a very small world, sometimes. He is well, having recovered fully from a battle with very aggressive prostate cancer, although thinner than I remember which may be because of the cancer fight.

We went to a lovely restaurant and I ate half a bowl of onion soup and three slices of baguette with "heirloom tomato salad" which really was a few tablespoons of chopped red and yellow tomatoes with some olive oil and a little feta thrown in. It was delicious and if I were my normal self, I would have been famished. But since I now can't eat more than a toddler, it was perfect. I'm trying to look on the bright side which is that I'm never hungry and I will be the only person I know to lose weight over the holidays. That is, if I can stop sneaking chocolate.

You see, the worst of the chocolate allergy besides the itchy hives on my face is that it makes me sick to my stomach. But since I'm already sick to my stomach, I figured what harm could it do? Except I forgot how awful the hives are and I have had to wear a lot of make-up to cover them up and they are also itchy which is harder to stop. So I think maybe I will give up the chocolate. Also, for some reason, chocolate doesn't sound appealing when you are nauseous all the time. Believe me, this is a new thing for me. I have never not wanted chocolate. I always subscribed to the more chocolate is better rule which I inherited from my grandma whom I once went to a restaurant with and the waiter asked if she wanted to try a dessert and she said yes, she would like to die by chocolate because she thought that was the way to go.

Her favorite candy was Mounds and I used to buy them and eat them and think of her, just like tacos from Jack in the Box remind me of my grandpa. So in some way, I feel like I'm betraying my grandma by not eating chocolate. She would have said just to take Benadryl and wear make-up. So, I'm sorry, Grandma. I'll just have to learn to make your red cabbage instead. I hope you can forgive me. Maybe someday I'll visit the Long Island Medium and ask her to ask you if you're OK with me not eating chocolate. (Seriously, have you seen that show on TLC? It really looks like she talks to the dead.) Or maybe I'll just go to sleep and dream. Once, after my other grandfather had passed away, I dreamed he came to me and told me to buy some stocks, which if you knew him, you would know that is exactly the kind of message he would give from beyond the grave. Sister 1 told me to go back to sleep and ask him which ones. I still sometimes dream that my grandparents come to visit, so maybe next time I'll ask about the chocolate.

This boy in Texas is having a worse day than me. He got an awesome haircut that showcased his favorite football player from Texas A&M. Here is a picture.

His high school, however, didn't appreciate it and sent him home until he could get rid of it. We Texans love our football, but schools there also have very strict dress codes. He really should have known better. But thank you, Aggie fan, for reminding me to be grateful that I have daughters and that we will never have to deal with hair issues like this.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Bad Day 141--I don't need to take 5th grade math!

I am sitting next to Child 3 watching her not do her math homework and it is extremely frustrating. I know she wants me to give her the answers, but I already passed 5th grade math and I have no desire to go back to middle school again. So she's just going to have to figure it out on her own. Just like I'm going to have to fold the laundry all on my own because there is no one else in the house who knows how to do it. I'm just surmising here based on the fact that none of the children ever fold anything and put it in a drawer. Worn clothes go directly to the floor rather than in a hamper or neatly put away. Child 1 has so many on her floor that you cannot open the door to her room. If Gov. Christie saw Child 2 & 3's shared room, he would declare it a disaster area and swear that a hurricane had passed through. But I'm too tired to do anything about it so they will just have to keep complaining that they have nothing to wear and I will keep telling them to look on the floor of their room. This is not their room. You can tell because you can still see part of the floor.

On a happy note, Child 1 cooked dinner tonight, so that was a help. I also have even more prescriptions after a visit to the doctor. I think that my blood is now mostly prescription medicine with a couple of red cells thrown in. And I wonder if in the long run, I will be worse off from taking 6, yes six, different things daily, some of them twice a day. It's getting a little hard to keep track of them all. I thought about maybe getting one of those daily pill separators, but Child 1 says that would make me look like an old person. I am old, but maybe not that old, so I'll just keep trying to remember what I took when. Ugh. I'm so over this whole being sick thing. If only I would get better!

This baby girl is having a worse day than me.

Yep, her name is Hashtag. As in #worstgirlnameever! I have often wished that my parents had come up with a more original name because mine is rather popular. But please! What is she going to do in 20 years when nobody remembers what Twitter is anymore? Probably change her name, which is what I would do if I were her. So thank you, clueless parents, for reminding me that although some of the children's names are also more popular than we would like, at least I didn't name them "WordPerfect" or "Windows 97" or some other lame 90s technology. Good luck, Hashtag! I hope fate is kinder to you than your parents were.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Bad Day 140--Yes, Your Honor.

I went to court today, but it was a good thing. Apparently, in our state, in order for a teenager to get her official driver's license, she has to go to court with a parent and let the judge scare the bejeezus out of her, or just out of her parent. This also, apparently, doesn't work for every kid because despite all the cautionary tales from both the sheriff and the judge, they still have stories to tell about teenagers who go to jail for 30 days because they were doing 115 in a 45. I'm not sure how you even get up to 115 in a 45 mph zone, but also, the judge says there is nowhere in our county where the speed limit is greater than 55 mph, so what the heck was that kid thinking?! And why on earth did his parents buy him a BMW? Thank goodness Child 1 drives a Volvo and has a lot more sense. Also, I know she will never, ever do this.

But anyway, I have a very responsible and respectful daughter who insisted on going home to change into nice clothes because she was appearing in court and thought she should be respectful and I am so proud of her for that. And she sat through the long lectures (they lectured at us for an hour) and now she has her permanent license which they gave directly to me because the point of this court appearance was to remind the kids and parents that the license is given with the permission of the parents and we can revoke that permission if we want. I don't want to and I'm certain I won't have to because, as I said before, Child 1 is very responsible and is not a super-rich teenage boy who drives a BMW, not that I'm stereotyping or anything. OK, I'm totally stereotyping but only because I also went to school with boys like that and some of them did not live to see graduation and sadly took their girlfriends with them.

I, myself, am a very responsible driver and have never ever been ticketed for anything, not even a parking violation. Husband, on the other hand, was the single handed reason for a huge rise in our insurance rates the year he got FOUR moving violations. Luckily, that was a long, long time ago, but it still makes me mad when he gives Child 1 bad driving advice and acts like I'm crazy for telling her to be cautious when I have never, ever hit another car (on the road--parking lots when I was a teenager don't count and I was driving a 10 passenger van and that old lady sort of ran into me) and I have also never been in a roll-over with my friends, either. Hmph.

But onto happier subjects. I'm also very proud of myself because I have about 45 minutes in between when I eat and when I start feeling poorly and today, I maximized that time and then some. I managed to do a load of laundry and fold a load and I did a load of dishes while I made dinner, so I was extra productive. Our house is a mess and Child 3 is the only one putting up the Christmas decorations, which means we will be finished decorating around March, but it's the best we can do, so it will have to do. Just nobody come to visit for a while because I will be too embarrassed to let you in the house. Unless you want to come help put up the decorations because that would be amazing.

But back to parking tickets, the owner of this car in Chicago is having a worse day than me.

She says her ex-boyfriend registered the car in her name without her consent. Having been to the DMV several times and not been successful in even changing my address, I find that hard to believe. But whoever was driving it racked up $100,000 in parking tickets. Yep, you read that right--a hundred grand! And the car is only worth $600, so it seems especially cruel. Now she is stuck with the bill and her license is suspended while the state works out the issue. So thank you, bad parker, for reminding me to be grateful that Husband cleaned out the garage enough so that I can park in it and for making me feel pretty smart about always taking the metro into the city so I don't have to worry about parking or tickets. Take note, Child 1!

Monday, November 26, 2012

Bad Day 139--A new low

My Drawer of Things That Might Fit Me Someday has been emptied and now is the Drawer of Things That Are Too Big But I'm Afraid to Throw Away. First, some of them are very cute and I want to get them altered if my weight ever stabilizes, and second, what if I start to feel better and regain all the weight? I know that if I were actually dieting and trying to lose weight, Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz or Oprah would all tell me to get rid of the fat clothes. But see, the thing is, I'm not trying. I'm just shrinking, mostly because I never feel like eating and I know I will feel worse if I do. So I don't think the regular diet rules apply.

It's like this. When I was pregnant with Child 1, I was nauseous all the time. Husband and I were both working and we would arrive home after a long day and neither of us would want to cook dinner, partly because we didn't know how to cook anything very well and partly because the smell of cooking meat made me violently sick. So every evening, we would drive around the city past all the fast food restaurants and have a conversation a long the lines of Do you feel like tacos? How about chicken? Burgers? Pizza? Nothing? And eventually we would arrive at Arby's where I would eat a roast beef sandwich with no sauce and feel immediately better. I craved Arby's roast beef with every single child. Also olives, both green and black. All the children love Arby's and olives. Coincidence?

But the problem I have now is that not even Arby's sounds good, so I just cook stuff for the children and pick at it. Tonight, I had to buy milk, so I just got a roast chicken and some potato salad because I wouldn't even have to cook that plus the children love it and say things like "we don't have to save any for Daddy!" I think they ate all the potato salad. I wouldn't know because I was so exhausted that I'm now in bed wearing my pajama pants which are way too big and keep falling down and one of Husband's shirts because my room is cold and the shirt is very warm, and also I miss him.

I realize that reading about how sick I am must be very boring. Believe me, I'm bored with it myself. But since this blog is mostly for Husband to keep up with what's going on, you'll just have to put up with it for a while until I can find the energy somewhere to be funny again.

This man in Canada not only isn't funny, he's having a worse day than me. He apparently decided to be a real grinch and went to a Christmas parade wearing his hair in devil horns and went around telling children Santa isn't real. The police did the right thing and arrested him. I love this quote from the article:

“It was pretty despicable that someone, during this time of the year, would tell kids Santa isn’t real — which of course we would argue,” Const. Steve Koopman told the Toronto Star.

So thank you, Contsable Koopman, for restoring my faith in humanity and for setting the record straight. Of course Santa is real and that grinch of a man is on the naughty list for sure.  See, Santa is crossing him off right now.

gty santa claus father christmas jt 121125 wblog Man Arrested After Telling Kids Santa Isnt Real

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Bad Day 138--I started a fire

Actually, it's an argument about who gets a Kindle Fire for Christmas. I'm not even sure why we are having this argument. The child that I thought would want a Kindle doesn't and the child that we have to beg to read does, but probably because she knows you can play games on it which is so not the point of why I would buy anyone a Kindle.

We had leftovers again for dinner and I think we're finally getting tired of them. Because Husband isn't here to eat everything. Normally, we make twice as much and have fewer leftovers. But this year, I am not eating much and Husband is in Afghanistan where they apparently have prime rib and lobster as well as turkey. But I promise my stuffing is better. Also my pumpkin pie is way, way better. I make an awesome pumpkin pie.

Now we are arguing about who will get Child 1's bedroom when she leaves for college. Why are we arguing about this when it's far, far away (OK not that far) and also, I don't want to think about it! I have told them, and told them not to grow up, but they won't listen. They insist on growing up and it makes me really sad. So to distract them, I turned on the train-wreck show and now they all look like this:

I love these nights where everyone is in my room watching bad TV together. Child 2 says it's a chance to get out our frustrations by yelling at the TV instead of each other. I'll take it.

This woman in Florida is having a worse day than me.

Woman Who Rode Manatee Arrested (ABC News)

First, that is not a very flattering picture. Second, what you can't see that she's riding on is a manatee. Yes, that's correct. She saw an endangered species in the water and thought it would be a good idea to take a ride on it. So now she's been arrested for harassing an endangered animal. So thank you, crazy Manatee rider, for making me grateful that I only appreciate wild animals; I have no desire at all ever to ride one.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Bad Day 137--The virtue of being early

So apparently everyone sleeps in on the Saturday after Black Friday because we had the mall almost to ourselves. Even Forever 21 was empty and there was no line! Although several of the stores told us that it hasn't been that busy this year and that last year was way worse. So who knows why, but we managed to get a lot of shopping done in 2 1/2 hours and I made a nice dent in the Christmas lists. But I have to go back next week by myself because it is really hard to buy things for people when they are standing right there next to you and it would be nice to get Child 1 at least one thing that she doesn't already know about. But I'm done shopping today because now I feel like this.

Now we're watching "A Muppet Christmas Carol" which I have to say is my favorite of the many versions out there because it has great lines like, "even the vegetables don't like him." And also, Gonzo makes a great Charles Dickens. It makes me wonder every time if Dickens himself ever dreamed of being shot from a cannon. And I love Michael Caine. I've loved him ever since I saw him admit to David Letterman that he made Jaws 4 because he needed a new roof.

But anyway, the children are totally in the Christmas spirit and they spent the morning watching Christmas episodes of their favorite TV shows like "Phineas and Ferb" and all those Disney shows that I hate. I don't hate "Phineas and Ferb" and I have been informed that in my previous post I wronged poor Phineas and Ferb who apparently are not mean to Candace but it's the other way around. And also, Perry the Platypus is very cool.

This woman is having a worse day than me because she is wearing a bunch of snakes around her neck.

Spratters & Jayne spiderweb …

I think it's supposed to be a scarf or a shawl but it looks like something I might have made when I was 7 in Brownies because I was very, very bad at crafts. I mean, why would you wear this on purpose, and why on earth would you pay over $300 for it because that's what this bunch of yarn braids costs. So thank you, scarf designer, for making me feel much better about my knitting skills. And my fashion sense. And my Scottish black watch tartan cashmere scarf which I love and is so much prettier than that mess.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Bad Day 136--Why is Black Friday a good thing again?

So I spent my Black Friday doing what all good girls do--working. I know, you're thinking, I'm supposed to be a shopaholic, but I'm not really. I love shopping, but I hate looking for parking and that is mostly what you do on Black Friday--drive around and around looking for someplace to park and never finding anything and that is way less fun than parking. Also, I hate standing in lines and I can just about tolerate Forever 21 on a quite day in the middle of the week and the busiest shopping day of the year would make me collapse on the floor in a heap which wouldn't be good for shopping and also might make people call 911 and ambulances are very expensive, which I know from personal experience having ridden in 4 of them.

Yep, you read that right--four ambulance rides in my life so far, but one of them was for Baby Child 1 so that one shouldn't count. Also, I didn't call for that one--my neighbor the sheriff did because he panicked at the sight of blood. But the other three were for me and twice, I was actually dying and only once was it probably not necessary but because I was unconscious, I couldn't tell my band director not to call the ambulance. I think I may be the only band member ever to be taken off the football field on a stretcher. It was thoroughly embarrassing  but again, because I was unconscious having fainted from heat stroke, I don't remember much of it except the ugly yellow surgical down they put me in because my stupid black satin and silver lamé  uniform was too hot for 110 degree Texas heat. These aren't our uniforms, but you get the idea.

That was the first ride. The second was when Korea tried to kill me and that was the worst one because apparently nobody pays attention to sirens in Korea. It took over 30 minutes to go less than a mile. Then the third one was after giving birth to Child 1 when I was hemorrhaging. There is a whole story along with that one which I may tell at a different time, but it was the most expensive because our insurance wasn't very good.

I have no desire to ever ride in an ambulance again, but I can't promise that given the crowds at mall where I am taking Child 1 tomorrow against my better judgment that I won't come close to needing one. I'll keep you posted, though.

This Norwegian ball of slime is having a worse day than me, and I have to say that I am really happy about that. I refuse to write his name or put up his picture because he doesn't deserve the attention. He is evil as evil can be and killed 77 completely innocent people. My friend was visiting Norway when it happened and he heard the explosion and I can't imagine how awful that must have been. But anyway, the ball of slime is complaining about Norwegian prisons and how awful they are and I have to say, Mr. Slime, you. know. nothing. Nothing! If you think for a second that Norwegian prisons are bad, you should feel very grateful that you don't live in Indonesia, or China, or Tanzania, or Mexico, or any of a hundred different countries whose prisons make Norway's look palatial. I actually lived on the grounds of a prison in Norway (we rented a room in the grounds keeper's house) and I'm telling you that it was great. You can smell a Chinese prison from two blocks away. I have never been to one in Mexico, but I've heard stories. Even Korean prisons are a pit compared to Norway and those were pretty good. (Korean prisons have a karaoke room and videos for rent.) So, Mr. Slime, thank you for reminding me to be grateful that I am not as delusional as you. And if all you have to complain about is that the guards are impatient while you're brushing your teeth, then you are much better off than any of the people whose lives you stole. I really hope that someday you get what you actually deserve.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Bad Day 135--That's gratitude for you.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Here is the list of what I'm grateful for this year. OK, I'm thinking. . . no, really. There must be something. Oh yeah.

1. The children, all three of them.
2. Gondola rides.
3. Skype.
4. Calphalon roasting pans.
5. Pumpkin pie.
6. That I can eat wheat and therefore pumpkin pie.
7. The new Sherlock.
8. Fitting into my wedding ring again.
9. Cheese.
10. Shopping online.

Things I am not so grateful for.

1. Afghanistan.
2. Broken toilets.
3. Lice.
4. Nausea.
5. Homework.
6. Children who won't do their homework.
7. Schools who insist on assigning homework to children who won't do it.
8. Power outages.
9. Bidding on jobs that I didn't get.
10. Being allergic to chocolate.

I hope your Thanksgiving dinners were as delicious as mine. I have an awesome dressing recipe that uses cream cheese and I make an incredible pumpkin pie. We have the same exact menu every year and I have to say, it's perfect. We have the perfect sweet potato recipe and we make the same green bean casserole that everyone makes because we like it and I don't care if the food snobs disdain it, we love it so we'll keep making it every year.

Because Thanksgiving is about tradition and I'm happy to make sure that we keep ours. I even brought those fried onions to China. And maple syrup for the sweet potatoes. And I'll do it the next time we go overseas, too, which won't be for at least three years because my new job is in DC again. The children are extremely happy about that. We'll be broke because it's very expensive here, but they'll be happy.

Janitors at this Swedish church are having a worse day than me. Apparently, someone left a hatch in the church tower open in the 1980s, and since then, pigeons have been roosting there and leaving droppings--2 tons of droppings which then had to be cleaned out. It took around 160 garbage bags to do it. So thank you, Swedish janitors, for reminding me to be grateful that I don't have any pigeons in my attic. If we did, The Dog would let us know.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Bad Day 134--Bad good news

So the good news is that I don't have celiac disease which means that I can make my delicious cream cheese and tarragon stuffing with regular bread and I don't have to make my own pie crusts, which I hate making because pie crusts are hard to make well but easy to make hard.

The bad news is that celiac was one of the better options and now I still don't know what is making me sick and my next test is a month away which means a whole month where every day I google my symptoms and conclude that I have toxic shock syndrome. OK, that was Child 3 that thought she was in toxic shock. But I have spent a lot of time looking up my symptoms on various medical websites and I am completely freaked out because none of the alternatives are good ones. (And confidential to Sunny who reads this blog, thanks for the tip about symptoms. That's what my next test is for.) This is why I miss Husband, OK, one of the reasons why I miss Husband because it's his job to help me not freak out.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I am determined to make it as normal as possible, but I need help, so Artemis came over to help me cook and chop. Tomorrow, since her husband Adonis has to work, she is going to come over and help us eat it because I will be able to eat about the same amount as a sick toddler, so we can expect a lot of leftovers. Children, I hope you can make up the slack because without me and your dad, we'll be serving Turkey for the next six weeks unless you all man up and eat like you've never eaten before. (Yes, Child 2, I realize you're not a man. It's just an expression!)

Fiona Apple fans are having a worse day than me.

She was supposed to be starting a tour in South America, but she canceled the tour because her dog is sick and she doesn't want to leave her. Obviously, she loves her dog very much because she wrote a four page letter about it and posted it on facebook. So thank you, Ms. Apple, for reminding me to be grateful that I didn't buy tickets to your concert. If The Dog ever gets sick, you can bet that I would not cancel my concert tour, not that anyone would ever pay to hear me sing. I hope you find a way to repay all those disappointed fans.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Bad Day 133--Who says it's the best in the world?

Today is not a good day. It's not a purple day because I'm not sad, but I'm not feeling great and I got some upsetting news. No, Husband is OK and the girls are all fine. I just can't talk about it on a blog until I can speak to Husband and I can't talk to him tonight because he's flying around Afghanistan. Right now, I hate that whole country.

To make myself feel better, I'm going to go to bed and dream about this:

That's Bali, for those of you who don't recognize it. I took this picture and it's my happy place. I might replace it with Santorini, but whatever the case, it's my new substitute for chocolate.

There aren't many people having a worse day than me, but this fake Santa in the UK might be close.

He was rappelling into a mall, which is a bad idea in and of itself, when his beard got caught in the ropes and he was stuck. He had to wait until someone else rappelled down and rescued him. So thank you, Santa, for reminding me never to go rappelling while wearing a beard, which will never be a problem. The rappelling might happen someday, now that I'm no longer afraid of heights, but I will never ever grow a beard. I promise.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Bad Day 132--I'm not sure how this happened, but I'll take it!

Child 1 is trying to ruin my new purchase but I'm not letting her. One of my favorite vacations we ever took was to the hill station Sapa in northern Vietnam. We'd been living in China and wanted a break from the foul-smelling air and Sapa was clean and fresh and smelled heavenly and apparently of patchouli, although I never knew it until on the cruise when they gave me a pedicure, they used this lotion whose main scent is patchouli and it smelled just like Sapa so I bought it. Now Child 1 says it smells like fabric softener. I told her only if fabric softener smells like a Vietnamese hill station.

So I have been afraid of heights my whole life. It was a really good thing that our drive through the hills of Vietnam was in the dark, or I might have gotten out to walk. When I was little, we used to drive from Texas to Arizona which involved a lot of mountain passes, some of which were really scary because my Dad hated freeways and always took the back roads and I spent the entire time on the floor of the van with a blanket over my head yelling "is it over yet?" I had nightmares for years that Dad drove us off a cliff. Seriously. Years.

This is a picture of the road my Grandpa would always tease me that he would drive me down someday. I told him I would get out and walk. I threatened that a lot. But honestly, who would want to drive down that?

Fast forward to when I was an adult and Husband first took me to Hong Kong--a trip he had owed me for years after Korea tried to kill me and we didn't get to go even though we had tickets because I was in the hospital and then we went home to America. So he had this idea that we would take the funicular up to Victoria Peak. (Go ahead. Look up "funicular." It is actually a word. I'll wait. . . . Are we good now?) He thought it would be very romantic and it would have been, if I hadn't been sobbing the whole way. One well-meaning British gentleman looked at me and said "it's not that bad," and I seriously wanted to punch him right in his smug British face because that is the stupidest thing ever to say to someone having a panic attack. Of course it is that bad or I wouldn't be crying! Seriously. Hmph.

So when we went to NY last summer, I was looking up at the Empire State Building and it didn't bother me, which was weird because another of my most terrifying memories was driving in between the World Trade Center towers and thinking they were going to fall on me and no, that wasn't a premonition because I thought the same thing about the Statue of Liberty. So why didn't standing in the middle of Times Square frighten me anymore? Now fast foward again to Santorini where we took a bus up a bunch of switchbacks and Husband was certain I was going to freak out but I was just enjoying the view. And then we took the cable car down and I wasn't scared. At all. Husband was a little nervous, but I was completely fine and not bothered a bit.

See? Beautiful view, isn't it? It was really weird, but I seem to be cured. Who knew that sending your husband to Afghanistan could cure your biggest fear. Husband now says I'm ready for roller coasters, but I'm not so sure because there is still the whole nausea thing that I'm not sure would be helped by being whipped around, but maybe. We'll have to see.

My friend "Genevieve" is having a worse day than me. She has been experiencing the worst move ever. I told you that she was moving to Armpit, China, and it's not going well. First, the pilot wouldn't let her cat on the plane so her husband had to stay behind in Korea until they sorted it out while she went on with the 5 children, one of whom is a very tiny baby. Then the next day, she slipped on the ice and hurt her back. And she doesn't have a car and doesn't speak Chinese and is running out of groceries. So not fun. Genevieve, any time you need to run away back to America, you can stay with me and I will feed you all the chocolate you can eat (or all the chocolate I can't because someone should be enjoying chocolate.) Seriously, just come back and move in. The Dog will get used to the baby. Eventually.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Bad Day 131--Jet Lag is not a myth

I am so tired. Too tired to change the channel from this reality show which is horrifying and fascinating me at the same time. So I'll just blog instead.

Two of the children are sick. Well, actually, one is really sick and has a fever and I know she's not faking because she had no idea about the fever until she came to me and said she had a headache and she was burning up. The other is faking, I'm pretty certain because her symptoms are quite vague. I am the type of parent who would rather err on the side of caution and not send a child to school who might actually be sick. The problem is that they all know that and two of them take advantage of that fact. The other feels guilty when she doesn't go to school when she actually is sick and I have to force her to stay home. (Yes, she's that kid, but she's delightful so don't judge.) So now I have to decide if I should let the obvious faker cry wolf and stay home, or should I force her to get up and go. I guess it will all depend on how I feel at 5:30 am tomorrow when it is actually time to fight the get up and get your clothes on and get to the bus or I will lose it battle. I imagine, given the way I feel tonight, that I might not have enough energy to force the issue. I'll let you know.

Sorry, Ferris. I think your parents actually knew, they just were too tired to fight it and since you weren't failing any classes, they didn't care.

Fabulous Niece 1 returned home today and we will miss her. The girls had a lot of fun with her and it was nice to see her because we don't get to nearly often enough, and since she really does live on the opposite side of the country, she does have an excuse.

Since I have to finish watching this horrible reality show which I shouldn't watch but can't stop watching the train wreck, I'll get right to the bad days. This family in Texas is having a worse day than me. They have been arrested as a family for armed robbery, in part because of their bad fashion sense. Somebody recognized their ugly orange vests when they robbed a Home Depot and now they will probably get to wear a lot of orange in the future because that is the color of choice for prison uniforms. So thank you, family robbers, for reminding me that there are lots of other things we can do for family activities and being arrested isn't my idea of togetherness.

Bad Day 130--What you missed

Seriously, that cruise ship had the worst internet ever. Dial-up was faster and worked better. I couldn't check e-mail the entire time, so forget facebook and blogging the last day was impossible. Thank goodness for the guest bloggers!

But this is what I was doing instead of blogging.


Polignano a mare.


Santorini, which I think was my favorite.



So there you have my vacation in a nutshell. As Husband put it, we saw a lot of old stuff. It was amazing and relaxing and I'm so glad I went in spite of the fact that I was still sick, but I discovered that gelato in the afternoon really helped with both nausea and flagging energy from not eating much because non-gluten lunch is hard to find unless it is a salad which I ate a lot of. The ship was really good about gluten free food except for the desserts which were all cakes and tarts so I had sherbet instead every night and the other people at my table felt very sorry for me. And it was so, so, nice not to be in charge of anything--not even cooking and that my only responsibility was to relax and enjoy being with Husband. We haven't had that much alone time together since Child 1 was born and it was magical.

So who was having a worse day than me last week? Pretty much everyone because that was the happiest I have been in a long, long time.

Oh, and I got a job AND Husband will be home for Christmas so it was a very, very good week.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Bad Day 129--Only connect!

So I'm back on land where they have internet and I have already heard from several people about the missing post, including, through the grapevine, Sister 1 who insists that I must make it up. So tomorrow I will blog twice because tonight I am very, very tired having just flown eight hours across the Atlantic to return to the Children and fabulous Niece 1 who made me gluten-free cupcakes as a welcome home! We will totally have to borrow her more often.

The flight wasn't bad. It was very smooth and I sat next to a delightful 80 year old lady from Maryland who had been on the cruise with us and she was so funny that it made a very long flight seem much shorter. And the food was way better on the way home and I actually ate the whole dinner! And there wasn't a rice cake in sight.

So, except for the sobbing when I had to leave Husband to go to the airport, which was only partly me this time, it was a pretty good day. The children are all alive. We drank some homemade butter beer, and The Dog is beside herself with giddiness that I am back. I even missed her a little, but only a little. And not the walking in the freezing cold morning part. Or the barking. Or the jumping on me. But the lying on a cushion in my room and sleeping part is nice and I missed that a little.

I loved the guest blogs. They were excellent examples of how smart and funny my children are. And Child 3, absolutely no way on this earth ever to the acting contract, and we hear from Niece 1 that there is a national helium shortage, but we'll see on the warning siren. Do they make ones that won't go off in the house?

These brown pelicans are having a worse day than me.

There they were, minding their own business in North Carolina when Hurricane Sandy blew through and took them all the way to Rhode Island which is very far if you you have to fly there by flapping your wings. So some kind rescuers are going to fly them in a plane down to Florida where they can enjoy a nice long rest.

Speaking of rest, the jet-lag is killing me so I will sign off. Extra post tomorrow.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Bad Day 128-- Mom, I Stole Your Blog!- Child 3

Hey, Child 3 here!
So, I just finished my homework, and now I'm watching a movie.
And today I got another free shirt for track.

I'm really mad at my mom for not taking me on the cruise.
Now I'm running out of ideas, so I'll just make a list of odd
things I want for christmas....

- An indestructible turtle
- A fish that doesn't die
- A bunch of play-dough
- A stunt barbie
(Not that I like barbies)
- An easy bake oven
- Anything that is sparkly
- A snowball maker from Justice
- A hot tub
- A pie (with whip cream)
- Balloons (enough to fly)
- Helium (enough to fly)
- A bouncy house
- A trampoline
- A warning siren
- An acting contract

See? A list of ODD things I want for christmas!

Everyone at the veterans day parade in midtown texas is having a worse day than us.
Because there was a deadly train crash at the same time it was going on.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Bad Day 127 - Child 2's Awesome Day

Honestly, I'd say today was fairly awesome.  It wasn't amazingly over the top awesome, but it wasn't completely dry and bland either.  It all started when I ended up doing pretty well on my English project in school by not freaking out in front of the class and presenting it well.  Then, it picked up again when my friend and I had fun towards the end of Science by working out a crazy variation of our handshake we share between our small circle of friends.  And finally, the awesomeness continued on even more when we all got to have pizza for dinner and watch the 4th Harry Potter movie, I finished most of my homework,  and afterwards I got to go to a youth group activity where I got to hang out with my friends,  make a totally awesome t-shirt which I got to paint my own design on, and we all got donuts afterwards.

I can't really think of anything else to write, and I can't even think of anything to complain about either, but one thing I know for a fact is that this woman in Denver is having a worse day than us.  She tried to get out of jury duty by claiming that she had PTSD, and then bragged about it on a radio show months later, which the judge who she told that she was ill happened to be listening to.  So thank you, jury dodger lady, for allowing me to be grateful that I won't try to get out of performing a civic duty once I'm old enough to perform it, or ever attempt to fake having a serious life-threatening mental illness.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Bad Day 126--Child 1's Attempt at Humor

Today I, Child 1, am attempting to fill my mother's place as the author of "365 Bad Days".

I have absolutely no idea what to write about so here goes nothing.

This past week our oldest cousin of my mother's side is in town and staying with us while my parents are frolicking down the beaches of Greece together like a less intense intro to Baywatch.

However, we've decided that while they're soaking up the sun (reflecting it, hopefully) we're having our own version of fun. This includes watching Psych, Modern Family, Parks and Recreation, and Breaking Amish like there's no tomorrow. Okay not really, but it passes the time by after we finish homework and don't want to go to bed. Tomorrow I'm dragging "Niece 1" to Mt. Vernon to receive extra credit for my IB US history class. I expect to find a secret entrance of some sort and will be looking in every nook and cranny for a clue to finding a national treasure. Can you tell I'm using as much time as I can with "Niece 1" to soak up all the possible knowledge I can gain from DC and other historical resources for my history class? (It's that bad)

So since my mom always complains about everything in her blog posts, I have something very irritating to talk about. About two weeks ago my photography teacher assigned us to complete a roll of film with pictures of "lines" as in like "Oh, there's a fence, it has lots of lines, I think I'll take a picture of it". So I got as creative as possible and even dragged Child 3 out into Hurricane Sandy to get my last 15 shots or so in order to finish my roll of film. When we developed the film however, most of my shots were "over exposed" (for those of you who aren't as photog savvy as I, it means I left the shutter open too long and let too much light into my lense) and now I'm stuck using the lamer pictures I took (photos of trees) for my project. Great. How creative right? Well maybe that's my weekly lesson. Never ignore your aperture settings...

As for the daily comparison of those having a worse day than us:
This entire neighborhood takes the gold.
In the middle of the night the house pictured above just went kablooey all over the place. Police haven't been able to trace a source of the explosion. My thoughts go out to the families effected by this tragedy.

This has been Child 1 with "365 Bad Days", and with that I say: Top that, Child 2.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Bad Day 125--Not so bad.

Today we arrived in Greece, and I have to say, for a country whose government is completely a mess, it is one spectacular place. It's easy to see why it's such a popular tourist destination.

My stomach is a little better and I've actually been eating, but right now I'm a little sick and extremely tired. And I miss the children. I wore the evening gown Child 3 packed for me with the pearl bracelet tonight. I left the tweed pumps at home. It was really nice to dress up and look pretty. Too bad the dancing I was so looking forward to was one elderly British couple dancing to a sad cd of Lawrence Welk music. So no dancing but a lovely night anyway.

Who is having a worse day than me? Many, many people, but definitely the oils man with his plastic girlfriend who thought that a white denim jacket was formal. With no tie. And lots of icky gray chest hair. Yuck.

Guest blogging starts tomorrow night! (Mock away, children. I can take it.)

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Bad Day 124--I'm cheating.

So I figured out that I can compose on the app on my phone offline and then upload after I connect to the internet. So I think I can blog for less than $1/day which its way more affordable than the $20 I thought it was going to cost me. Child 1 should still feel free to guest guest blog, though because I was kind of looking forward to that.

Today we went to some city in Italy that starts with a p that I can never remember because I can't pronounce it. But it is on the cliffs of Volare which I totally can remember because we had a Plymouth Volare station wagon when I was little and my Dad sang that song every time we went for a drive in that car. The city its an old, Medieval town carved out of white stone and was spectacular. It was so beautiful that Husband ignored me the whole time because he was taking pictures with his fancy camera that he made me lug over from the US. Then he ate pizza in front of me which I can't eat because of the gluten. If I don't have Celiac, I'm going to be really mad that I didn't get to eat pizza in Italy. Or pasta. Although I did have both risotto and gelato again today. Here, they put whipped cream on top of the gelato which was delicious.

Tomorrow is Greece. I'm very excited for the olives which are glutenless.

Today, the Russian lady on the cruise who insisted on wearing her gold lame (pronounced lamay but my phone can't handle accents) puffy coat in 70 degree weather is definitely having a worse day than me. I put on sunscreen and I still got a little pink. She was sweltering and looked really dumb.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Bad Day 123--I'm not paying for this

We found out today that cruise ships make up for their outrageously expensive prices by charging even more exorbitant fees for internet access. So this will be my last post for a while because we need to save our money so we can afford to watch the children argue on skype which is what they did tonight instead of talking to us. Child 1 says she might guest post for me. I am prepared to be mocked.

Just one observation and then the bad day: when filling out a questionnaire on stress, we had to rate our stress level from 1-10. I put 8 because Husband is serving in Afghanistan. Husband said 2. 2! So not fair.

Everyone in the Kardashian family is having a worse day than me--just because I don't like them and I am on a boat in the Adriatic with Husband which is pretty awesome so they couldn't bee happier than me right now. But I do miss the children (but not The Dog.)

Friday, November 9, 2012

Bad Day 122--It really happened!

I'm actually here in Venice with Husband and and I kind of can't believe it. We've been planning this for months and I always thought something was going to wreck it, but now I'm in the same room with Husband and I can touch him and he's real.

We had dinner at a very romantic restaurant and he bought me flowers and I ate too much rissotto which was delicious and had no gluten. Venice is as lovely as you can imagine and I can now check a gondola ride off my bucket list.

Tomorrow, we leave on a cruise for the Greek Isles. I hope the food on board will be better than the gluten free airline food which I have to day was awful. Breakfast was a rice cake and applesauce. See what I mean about how easy it will be to lose weight? I couldn't choke down the rice cake even when I tried dipping it in the applesauce. Everyone else eating their eggs and croissants was laughing at me.

I'm still blogging on my phone, and I can't figure out how to link, but David Petraeus is having a worse day than me. You would think the CIA director would be smarter than John Edwards and stay away from his biographer but apparently not. So thank you, General, for illustrating just how great my marriage is. I feel bad for your wife.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Bad Day 121--Away we go!

I'm blogging on my phone again because I'm at the airport waiting to board my flight that will take me to be with Husband. I'm sicker than a dog, but I'm going anyway. I'll just lie in our cabin and nap all week long. It will be lovely.

I has the blood test this morning. I'm praying they will find something. I'm starting a gluten-free diet anyway, just in case. I have to say I can see why people lose weight on this diet because there is nothing to eat. Nothing! I had 1/2 of a hamburger patty and an avocado for lunch. It was that or scrambled eggs. Those were the only gluten free things on the menu.

So who is having a worse day than me? The children. Because I am leaving them and they are mad, mad, mad. Thank goodness for fabulous Niece 1 whom they love or they'd never have let me go. I'm sorry girls. I promise next time to take you with me. I love you with all my heart. Now, finish your homework and do your chores. That means you, Child 3! Painting your fingernails does NOT count as a chore. (I told you I was psychic!)

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Bad Day 120--I'm melting!

I ate food for dinner and that was the wrong choice because I feel so much better when I don't eat. All food has become the enemy. But on the good side, my wedding ring fits and it hasn't fit in about six years, so even though my clothes are all too big, my ring is just right.

So I've been holding out a little. I should confess that the reason Fabulous Niece 1 is here is because I am leaving to meet Husband and she is going to watch the children and The Dog while I'm away. First stop is Venice and then Greece. I am so excited to see him, but a little (OK, a LOT) sad that I won't be able to eat any of the food! So wrong. Maybe gelato will be alright. 

But anyway, The Dog has decided Niece 1 is alright and has ceased trying to eat her which is a huge sigh of relief because I was envisioning poor Niece 1 locking herself in the bathroom all day to get away from The Dog. And Child 3 has been packing for me. Apparently to go to Italy, I need an evening gown and some navy tweed heels. Oh, and a pearl bracelet. And a black and gold chiffon blouse to which she attached a note that said "Take me to Italy. I'm pretty." If only she would pay this much attention to her homework!

Sister 2 suggested that this woman in Cleveland is having a worse day than me. 

She apparently made a regular habit of driving around a stopped school bus by driving on the sidewalk. The bus driver got fed up with her dangerous habit of breaking the law and took a video on his phone and gave it to the police. 

The judge sentenced her to stand at the intersection with a sign around her neck that says, "Only an idiot would drive on the sidewalk to avoid the school bus." I'm not sure about the punishment, but I totally agree with the sentiment. So thank you, Ms. Idiot Driver, for reminding me to be grateful that most people aren't like you and they stop behind the school bus to keep the children safe. Children are our nation's most valuable asset and I'm glad that Cleveland has a school bus driver that cares enough about them to turn you in.

Now excuse me while I go re-pack so I don't have to look like a Jersey librarian at a disco all next week.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Bad Day 119--But it's already pouring!

Our furnace broke and I got a nasty cold so I had to take yet another sick day. I don't want to think about what else could go wrong because I'm afraid to tempt fate, but honestly, what's next? Boils? The water in our faucets turning to blood? I'm feeling a little biblically cursed and wondering what exactly God wants me to do to just make it stop already!

But thankfully, I have a friend whom I knew would know a furnace guy ("Lisa" of the yummy chicken soup) so I called her and of course she did, and I called them and used her husband's name and they came right away and fixed the furnace which was broken because we have never changed the filter. Apparently you are supposed to change it monthly, although I don't think I ever changed it quite that often years ago when we owned a house before. But I blame it all on Husband because I meant to ask him before he left how to change the filter but I forgot and shouldn't that have been one of the things on his checklist? Along with, you know, making sure the toilets don't all break while he's away? Yes, I know, it's not his fault, but he is not here to defend himself so he is just going to have to take the blame unless he can somehow throw it back on the DMV or the British fashion industry--my arch enemies. I mean, wouldn't you consider someone who would do this to your feet an enemy?

Although my deepest wish is to just crawl into bed and sleep forever, I have to go to the airport tonight to pick up Niece 1 who is coming to visit. We haven't seen her for several years, and she has never been to DC, so we are very excited. The children are so happy she is coming that they actually cleaned the house! OK, really it was mostly Child 1 and Child 2 took out the trash, but still! Child 3 on the other hand is actively avoiding all chores in favor of not doing her homework, so I have locked out the Disney Channel. I'm not sure it's working, though, because I think she is just watching TLC instead. Sigh. She has 6 late worksheets and had all day to do them because today there is no school, but she's only finished 2. Trying to get her to complete the homework just might kill me.

Speaking of things that might kill you, voting made this man in Michigan have a worse day than me. He actually died while filling out his ballot, was revived, and then finished filling it out. I am glad he was OK, but boy was voting important to him! I went to the polls in all my glorious illness today and cast my ballot, but I'm not sure that I would still do it if I died in the process and had to be given CPR. So thank you, Mr. Patriot, for reminding me that voting is a responsibility and a privilege and I hope your candidate wins.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Bad Day 118--When will you make an end?!

One more day of lying to pollsters. Today I told them I was voting for somebody named Virgil who I had never heard of but has a fun sounding name. Then I read in the NY Times that Virgil is having a surge of support in my state, and then I realized  how powerful lying to pollsters can be! Here is a picture of Virgil campaigning.  

I will vote tomorrow because it's my civic duty and a privilege I don't take for granted. But I feel no obligation to give accurate information to people who invade my privacy and interrupt my dinner. Not that it was much of a dinner. I reheated the breakfast I made the other day and then realized I couldn't eat. I made the mistake of actually eating lunch and that was the wrong decision. Tomorrow, I vow to go back to rice and mashed potatoes.

I need to go to bed because I have to get up super early to go stand in line for my turn at the polls, so let's get right to the bad day. A reader helpfully suggested that this man in China is having a worse day than me. 

Subway Biting Attack China

OK, maybe you can't tell, but that is a retired teacher biting a young man whom he got into a shoving match over a seat with. If you follow my blog, you know that I've talked about crowded Chinese subways. But these two managed to scare everyone out of the car. And the most surprising thing is that neither was arrested. OK, actually not surprising if you have ever lived in China, but I do feel sorry for the guy who got bitten. So thank you, Mr. Teeth, for reminding me how grateful I am that no one has ever bitten me on the metro in the US. Now stop biting and be nice!

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Bad Day 117--I don't like goodbyes

Genevieve and her family are moving to Armpit China on Saturday and I'm really sad to see them go. This is the third place we've lived close to them and it's been nice to have them nearby. But because our paths keep crossing, I'm sure we'll see them again. Maybe sooner than later.

Today was a considerably less purple Sunday, mostly because I'm still sick. I spent the day making a potato dish I thought might replace my exceedingly delicious homemade macaroni and cheese, but it can't because apparently cream of mushroom soup has wheat flour in it and the new potato recipe calls for some kind of condensed creamed soup. Then I spent hours looking for gluten free soups online and I am astonished at how few there are. Looks like if I have celiac disease, I will be making a lot of things from scratch. Good thing I like to cook. It's just too bad that I don't have time.

Speaking of no time, my closet broke today and I do not have the time or the energy to fix it. Luckily it's the closet we keep all the coats in, my wedding dress, and other Things I Might Fit Into Someday. Having to move all the clothes around was the perfect excuse to try on some of the things, since I've been losing weight. And some of them actually fit! I have lost so much weight that even my too-small London Olympic T that I bought in London is almost not too small any more. It's a little scary. I have to use a belt to hold my pants up. The hilarious thing is that this makes me nervous. You know that movie where the girl says "I'm one stomach flu away from my ideal weight?"

That was me most of my life hoping that some kind of illness would make me thin. And now that it's actually happening, I don't like it because now all my cute clothes look odd and baggy and I have to wear belts and I hate belts. They totally get in the way of everything and buckles poke you in the belly when you sit down because designers think they should all be huge. I think I'm going to go back to wrap dresses because they don't require belts and they look good with my new boots which no longer give me blisters.

These hikers in Provo Canyon are having a worse day than me. They were enjoying a leisurly hike and took a video of what they thought might be a black bear and then it stood up and looked like this.

OK, that's a really blurry still from the video, but if you watch the video, it is really freaky. So either it is fake and these guys are good actors, or something big and scary is living up in the hills where I used to hike when I was in college. So thank you, Bigfoot hikers, for reminding me to be grateful that I haven't gone hiking in Provo Canyon in years, and it will be a long, long time now before I go again, if ever, because I think we call all agree that although The Dog can take on Hello Kitty and/or babies and come out on top, she might not fare so well in an encounter with a Sasquatch.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Bad Day 116--Who are all these people?

I feel awful, but I spent the day making the kids happy and now I'm exhausted and sick and just want to stay in bed forever. But that will last until it's time to get up for church tomorrow where I will go with the kids and teach Sunday School and pretend that I am doing better so that the well-meaning people will leave me alone.

The morning started at 7:30 because I had to get up and drive far away to a seminar on how to be a coach for Odyssey of the Mind which apparently is where you spend hours pretending to be Socrates and watching a bunch of 5th graders fight with each-other and not build cars. All while wearing different colored hats. I know. It totally makes no sense! This is the kind of thing that Husband would love to do if he were here, but he is not here, and apparently no single other parent in the entire 5th grade is willing to coach Child 3's team so her teacher just decided to assign me to do it and made me go to this seminar. I'm so confused about it all, but luckily my friend "PJ" is an OM expert so I'm going to call her and get her to explain what the heck the hats are about and why do they need to paint scenery if they are supposed to be building cars. I blame the British. It has to be their fault somehow. Or the DMV's.

So then I went to the place that was supposed to test my blood for celiac disease and they told me they were open until 4 but surprise! They closed at 2 and we got there at 1:55 and they wouldn't see me. And they were nasty about it and acted like it was all my fault when I had called to confirm how late they were open. Anyone who thinks America has the best health care system in America has never had to have their blood drawn at Lab Corps. They stink. So now, my options are wait for three weeks until I have another free Saturday, or take more time off from work. Seriously hate that place. I think they are taking lessons from the DMV.

So then, after I stopped crying, we decided some shopping therapy was in order, so we all went to the mall where every single person in all of Washington DC was--not the national mall, our local shopping mall. It was so crowded! China crowded. Black Friday crowded. And it's only the first Saturday in November! We couldn't figure it out, but it took 20 minutes to find a parking space and there were lines of cars circling like vultures. All in all, it was a successful trip. We managed to buy a few Christmas presents for Husband, a couple of belts, and a dress for Child 2 which is a miracle in and of itself, first that she actually wanted a dress, and second that we found a really pretty one that flatters her and is "Christmasy" which was part of the requirement. It even got the Child 1 fashion seal of approval.

But I obviously over-did it because now I am completely spent and I am in bed and don't want to get up to finish the laundry which always needs finishing because laundry is never, ever finished and I think I'll just think about it tomorrow. Or at least I'll ignore it for the next 15 minutes until the cycle finishes.

This man in Texas is having a worse day than me.

He didn't want to fulfill his civic responsibility and report for jury duty, so he gave excuse after excuse. He claimed he was a felon. He said he cared for an invalid, and when those excuses didn't work, he just didn't show up. The bailiff issued a warrant for his arrest and the judge held him in contempt of court and put him in jail for 5 days. All because it was inconvenient. So thank you, Mr. Jury Dodger, for reminding me that if I ever get called for jury duty, I will gladly take a few days off from work to serve. Some things are just too important to skip.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Bad Day 115--A fight to the death!

So last night I ran the de-lousing comb through Child 3's hair and found some tiny, tiny nits which apparently means the eggs have hatched and it is time for the next and hopefully last de-lousing treatment before the buggers get big enough to lay any eggs. I have coated Child 3's very long luxurious hair in about as much de-lousing shampoo as should be legally allowed. I can smell her from here and she is two rooms away. I don't know how she can stand it, but I am carefully watching the clock, and in a few minutes, she will go rinse it all out and hopefully most of the bugs with it. I hate lice. I so hate lice that I am constantly itchy because I am certain that she has given them to me even though we have been super careful. I am just praying that this works.

So four days until my life in bondage is over. No, I'm not in jail and I'm not locked in my house. I'm talking about the end of this election season and the stupid phone calls that I receive every. single. day. I have been told to vote countless times. I have been asked if I received my absentee ballot countless times. I have been asked who I'm voting for countless times. Last night, I told the pollster I was voting for the Green Party. I'm not even sure if there is a Green Party candidate in this election, but I am so sick of pollsters and campaigners that now I just lie as a matter of course to mess with them. It's a nuisance and there seriously ought to be a law that says you cannot call any more than once a week. Four times a day is just way, way too much.

So my friend "Sparrow" sent me a link about this restaurant server who is having a worse day than me. A customer got a bill for $140 and instead of leaving a tip, said that she was sorry and was a single mom.

I have to say that was incredibly mean and petty because if you can afford dinner at a restaurant where it costs $140, then you should be able to afford the tip. And if you know you can't, then choose a cheaper restaurant! Wait staff make less than $3/hour which isn't nearly enough for what they put up with. So stingy single mom, thanks for giving us all a bad name! And thanks for making me feel grateful that I'm not dumb enough to eat dinner at restaurants that I can't afford. It's why we have the cheap Chinese place down the street on speed dial. Get a clue and try the $1 menu at McDonald's next time.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Bad Day 114--Happy Flu Shots Day!

The children are not happy with me because I made them get flu shots today. Well, actually just Child 2 and Child 3 because Child 1 has been bugging me to take them for a month. But now it's over and done and we're all protected from the flu so that's at least something. If only they would make a shot that would protect me from whatever stomach ailment I have that won't go away and makes it hard to do anything.

I was all set to write a long post whining about how difficult my life is, which it is, and then I watched the news and saw pictures of people who really are having a worse day like this. These people are waiting for the bus in NYC because the subways still aren't running fully.

NYC commutes

Or these people on Staten Island who lost their entire house.

Or these people in NJ not far from where I lived when I was little.


I hate perspective because it makes me look petty. So here's to you, people of NY and NJ and everywhere along the east coast who are still without power and whose communities have been devastated. My heart goes out to you and thank you for making me grateful that I have power, and my home is OK, and my family is all alive, even if one of them is in Afghanistan.