I love my children. They are smart and fun and beautiful and I am fairly certain that they do not speak English. This I why I don't think we speak the same language--every time I tell them to clean up their rooms, they hear "please go play on the computer for hours with headphones on and ignore everything I say." When I tell them to put away the groceries, they think I told them to dump the grocery bags on a chair and leave the lunch meat out overnight so that I have to throw it away in the morning and then they yell at me that there is nothing to make a sandwich with. And apparently "do your homework" means "play Angry Birds until the battery on your iPod runs out." (I stink at Angry Birds, but it is addictive and if I get stuck I can always ask the children for help.)
I know it's not because they are deaf. I am losing my hearing and can no longer hear anything over the vacuum or blender or garbage disposal. Thank goodness we got a new dishwasher because the last one not only didn't wash the dishes, it was louder than a 747 taking off in our kitchen and I couldn't hear anything anyone said ever and I was always yelling and Husband told me to stop yelling so much and I would say "WHAT?" So I know what it's like to not be able to hear and that is not the problem with my children. The problem is that I keep asking them to do their chores and then I actually expect them to do them! You would think that after 15+ years I would have learned, but I must be secretly an optimist because I still believe that they will do what I asked and I am always surprised when they don't. Either that, or I am just too lazy to check up on them.
So now they are all upstairs not doing what I asked them to do, and at some point I will have to get up and go check on them and they will look at me like I'm crazy and ask why am I always checking up on them and don't I believe them when they say they will sort the laundry later? Someday, I will pay them back and when they come to me and say, "Mom, I told you I needed 36 cupcakes for the soccer bake sale tomorrow! Where are they?" I will say, "No, you told me to sit in bed, eat Cheetos and watch the first three seasons of Dynasty on DVD, which is exactly what I'm doing."
But seriously, aside from the never doing chores part, they really are good kids and I feel lucky every day to be their mother. And some of them are leaving to visit their grandparents soon and I will miss them desperately. And so will The Dog because I definitely do not play with The Dog as much as they do, or at all, and she will be very bored and will probably eat my shoes which is what she does when she gets bored. If I had more energy, I would play with her to save my shoes. But frankly, it's just easier to buy new shoes.
As for someone who is having a worse day than me, my friend Robyn suggested this guy who drove his friend's BMW into the Newark Bay.
Now THAT would be a bad day. Not only would you be cold and wet and almost drowned, you would owe your friend $47K. So thank you, Mr. Bad Driver, for reminding me that at least I am a better driver than you.