Bad Day 120--I'm melting!

I ate food for dinner and that was the wrong choice because I feel so much better when I don't eat. All food has become the enemy. But on the good side, my wedding ring fits and it hasn't fit in about six years, so even though my clothes are all too big, my ring is just right.

So I've been holding out a little. I should confess that the reason Fabulous Niece 1 is here is because I am leaving to meet Husband and she is going to watch the children and The Dog while I'm away. First stop is Venice and then Greece. I am so excited to see him, but a little (OK, a LOT) sad that I won't be able to eat any of the food! So wrong. Maybe gelato will be alright. 

But anyway, The Dog has decided Niece 1 is alright and has ceased trying to eat her which is a huge sigh of relief because I was envisioning poor Niece 1 locking herself in the bathroom all day to get away from The Dog. And Child 3 has been packing for me. Apparently to go to Italy, I need an evening gown and some navy tweed heels. Oh, and a pearl bracelet. And a black and gold chiffon blouse to which she attached a note that said "Take me to Italy. I'm pretty." If only she would pay this much attention to her homework!

Sister 2 suggested that this woman in Cleveland is having a worse day than me. 

She apparently made a regular habit of driving around a stopped school bus by driving on the sidewalk. The bus driver got fed up with her dangerous habit of breaking the law and took a video on his phone and gave it to the police. 

The judge sentenced her to stand at the intersection with a sign around her neck that says, "Only an idiot would drive on the sidewalk to avoid the school bus." I'm not sure about the punishment, but I totally agree with the sentiment. So thank you, Ms. Idiot Driver, for reminding me to be grateful that most people aren't like you and they stop behind the school bus to keep the children safe. Children are our nation's most valuable asset and I'm glad that Cleveland has a school bus driver that cares enough about them to turn you in.

Now excuse me while I go re-pack so I don't have to look like a Jersey librarian at a disco all next week.

Bad Day 119--But it's already pouring!

Our furnace broke and I got a nasty cold so I had to take yet another sick day. I don't want to think about what else could go wrong because I'm afraid to tempt fate, but honestly, what's next? Boils? The water in our faucets turning to blood? I'm feeling a little biblically cursed and wondering what exactly God wants me to do to just make it stop already!

But thankfully, I have a friend whom I knew would know a furnace guy ("Lisa" of the yummy chicken soup) so I called her and of course she did, and I called them and used her husband's name and they came right away and fixed the furnace which was broken because we have never changed the filter. Apparently you are supposed to change it monthly, although I don't think I ever changed it quite that often years ago when we owned a house before. But I blame it all on Husband because I meant to ask him before he left how to change the filter but I forgot and shouldn't that have been one of the things on his checklist? Along with, you know, making sure the toilets don't all break while he's away? Yes, I know, it's not his fault, but he is not here to defend himself so he is just going to have to take the blame unless he can somehow throw it back on the DMV or the British fashion industry--my arch enemies. I mean, wouldn't you consider someone who would do this to your feet an enemy?

Although my deepest wish is to just crawl into bed and sleep forever, I have to go to the airport tonight to pick up Niece 1 who is coming to visit. We haven't seen her for several years, and she has never been to DC, so we are very excited. The children are so happy she is coming that they actually cleaned the house! OK, really it was mostly Child 1 and Child 2 took out the trash, but still! Child 3 on the other hand is actively avoiding all chores in favor of not doing her homework, so I have locked out the Disney Channel. I'm not sure it's working, though, because I think she is just watching TLC instead. Sigh. She has 6 late worksheets and had all day to do them because today there is no school, but she's only finished 2. Trying to get her to complete the homework just might kill me.

Speaking of things that might kill you, voting made this man in Michigan have a worse day than me. He actually died while filling out his ballot, was revived, and then finished filling it out. I am glad he was OK, but boy was voting important to him! I went to the polls in all my glorious illness today and cast my ballot, but I'm not sure that I would still do it if I died in the process and had to be given CPR. So thank you, Mr. Patriot, for reminding me that voting is a responsibility and a privilege and I hope your candidate wins.

Bad Day 118--When will you make an end?!

One more day of lying to pollsters. Today I told them I was voting for somebody named Virgil who I had never heard of but has a fun sounding name. Then I read in the NY Times that Virgil is having a surge of support in my state, and then I realized  how powerful lying to pollsters can be! Here is a picture of Virgil campaigning.  

I will vote tomorrow because it's my civic duty and a privilege I don't take for granted. But I feel no obligation to give accurate information to people who invade my privacy and interrupt my dinner. Not that it was much of a dinner. I reheated the breakfast I made the other day and then realized I couldn't eat. I made the mistake of actually eating lunch and that was the wrong decision. Tomorrow, I vow to go back to rice and mashed potatoes.

I need to go to bed because I have to get up super early to go stand in line for my turn at the polls, so let's get right to the bad day. A reader helpfully suggested that this man in China is having a worse day than me. 

OK, maybe you can't tell, but that is a retired teacher biting a young man whom he got into a shoving match over a seat with. If you follow my blog, you know that I've talked about crowded Chinese subways. But these two managed to scare everyone out of the car. And the most surprising thing is that neither was arrested. OK, actually not surprising if you have ever lived in China, but I do feel sorry for the guy who got bitten. So thank you, Mr. Teeth, for reminding me how grateful I am that no one has ever bitten me on the metro in the US. Now stop biting and be nice!

Bad Day 117--I don't like goodbyes

Genevieve and her family are moving to Armpit China on Saturday and I'm really sad to see them go. This is the third place we've lived close to them and it's been nice to have them nearby. But because our paths keep crossing, I'm sure we'll see them again. Maybe sooner than later.

Today was a considerably less purple Sunday, mostly because I'm still sick. I spent the day making a potato dish I thought might replace my exceedingly delicious homemade macaroni and cheese, but it can't because apparently cream of mushroom soup has wheat flour in it and the new potato recipe calls for some kind of condensed creamed soup. Then I spent hours looking for gluten free soups online and I am astonished at how few there are. Looks like if I have celiac disease, I will be making a lot of things from scratch. Good thing I like to cook. It's just too bad that I don't have time.

Speaking of no time, my closet broke today and I do not have the time or the energy to fix it. Luckily it's the closet we keep all the coats in, my wedding dress, and other Things I Might Fit Into Someday. Having to move all the clothes around was the perfect excuse to try on some of the things, since I've been losing weight. And some of them actually fit! I have lost so much weight that even my too-small London Olympic T that I bought in London is almost not too small any more. It's a little scary. I have to use a belt to hold my pants up. The hilarious thing is that this makes me nervous. You know that movie where the girl says "I'm one stomach flu away from my ideal weight?"



That was me most of my life hoping that some kind of illness would make me thin. And now that it's actually happening, I don't like it because now all my cute clothes look odd and baggy and I have to wear belts and I hate belts. They totally get in the way of everything and buckles poke you in the belly when you sit down because designers think they should all be huge. I think I'm going to go back to wrap dresses because they don't require belts and they look good with my new boots which no longer give me blisters.

These hikers in Provo Canyon are having a worse day than me. They were enjoying a leisurly hike and took a video of what they thought might be a black bear and then it stood up and looked like this.



OK, that's a really blurry still from the video, but if you watch the video, it is really freaky. So either it is fake and these guys are good actors, or something big and scary is living up in the hills where I used to hike when I was in college. So thank you, Bigfoot hikers, for reminding me to be grateful that I haven't gone hiking in Provo Canyon in years, and it will be a long, long time now before I go again, if ever, because I think we call all agree that although The Dog can take on Hello Kitty and/or babies and come out on top, she might not fare so well in an encounter with a Sasquatch.

Bad Day 116--Who are all these people?

I feel awful, but I spent the day making the kids happy and now I'm exhausted and sick and just want to stay in bed forever. But that will last until it's time to get up for church tomorrow where I will go with the kids and teach Sunday School and pretend that I am doing better so that the well-meaning people will leave me alone.

The morning started at 7:30 because I had to get up and drive far away to a seminar on how to be a coach for Odyssey of the Mind which apparently is where you spend hours pretending to be Socrates and watching a bunch of 5th graders fight with each-other and not build cars. All while wearing different colored hats. I know. It totally makes no sense! This is the kind of thing that Husband would love to do if he were here, but he is not here, and apparently no single other parent in the entire 5th grade is willing to coach Child 3's team so her teacher just decided to assign me to do it and made me go to this seminar. I'm so confused about it all, but luckily my friend "PJ" is an OM expert so I'm going to call her and get her to explain what the heck the hats are about and why do they need to paint scenery if they are supposed to be building cars. I blame the British. It has to be their fault somehow. Or the DMV's.



So then I went to the place that was supposed to test my blood for celiac disease and they told me they were open until 4 but surprise! They closed at 2 and we got there at 1:55 and they wouldn't see me. And they were nasty about it and acted like it was all my fault when I had called to confirm how late they were open. Anyone who thinks America has the best health care system in America has never had to have their blood drawn at Lab Corps. They stink. So now, my options are wait for three weeks until I have another free Saturday, or take more time off from work. Seriously hate that place. I think they are taking lessons from the DMV.

So then, after I stopped crying, we decided some shopping therapy was in order, so we all went to the mall where every single person in all of Washington DC was--not the national mall, our local shopping mall. It was so crowded! China crowded. Black Friday crowded. And it's only the first Saturday in November! We couldn't figure it out, but it took 20 minutes to find a parking space and there were lines of cars circling like vultures. All in all, it was a successful trip. We managed to buy a few Christmas presents for Husband, a couple of belts, and a dress for Child 2 which is a miracle in and of itself, first that she actually wanted a dress, and second that we found a really pretty one that flatters her and is "Christmasy" which was part of the requirement. It even got the Child 1 fashion seal of approval.

But I obviously over-did it because now I am completely spent and I am in bed and don't want to get up to finish the laundry which always needs finishing because laundry is never, ever finished and I think I'll just think about it tomorrow. Or at least I'll ignore it for the next 15 minutes until the cycle finishes.

This man in Texas is having a worse day than me.



He didn't want to fulfill his civic responsibility and report for jury duty, so he gave excuse after excuse. He claimed he was a felon. He said he cared for an invalid, and when those excuses didn't work, he just didn't show up. The bailiff issued a warrant for his arrest and the judge held him in contempt of court and put him in jail for 5 days. All because it was inconvenient. So thank you, Mr. Jury Dodger, for reminding me that if I ever get called for jury duty, I will gladly take a few days off from work to serve. Some things are just too important to skip.

Bad Day 115--A fight to the death!

So last night I ran the de-lousing comb through Child 3's hair and found some tiny, tiny nits which apparently means the eggs have hatched and it is time for the next and hopefully last de-lousing treatment before the buggers get big enough to lay any eggs. I have coated Child 3's very long luxurious hair in about as much de-lousing shampoo as should be legally allowed. I can smell her from here and she is two rooms away. I don't know how she can stand it, but I am carefully watching the clock, and in a few minutes, she will go rinse it all out and hopefully most of the bugs with it. I hate lice. I so hate lice that I am constantly itchy because I am certain that she has given them to me even though we have been super careful. I am just praying that this works.

So four days until my life in bondage is over. No, I'm not in jail and I'm not locked in my house. I'm talking about the end of this election season and the stupid phone calls that I receive every. single. day. I have been told to vote countless times. I have been asked if I received my absentee ballot countless times. I have been asked who I'm voting for countless times. Last night, I told the pollster I was voting for the Green Party. I'm not even sure if there is a Green Party candidate in this election, but I am so sick of pollsters and campaigners that now I just lie as a matter of course to mess with them. It's a nuisance and there seriously ought to be a law that says you cannot call any more than once a week. Four times a day is just way, way too much.



So my friend "Sparrow" sent me a link about this restaurant server who is having a worse day than me. A customer got a bill for $140 and instead of leaving a tip, said that she was sorry and was a single mom.



I have to say that was incredibly mean and petty because if you can afford dinner at a restaurant where it costs $140, then you should be able to afford the tip. And if you know you can't, then choose a cheaper restaurant! Wait staff make less than $3/hour which isn't nearly enough for what they put up with. So stingy single mom, thanks for giving us all a bad name! And thanks for making me feel grateful that I'm not dumb enough to eat dinner at restaurants that I can't afford. It's why we have the cheap Chinese place down the street on speed dial. Get a clue and try the $1 menu at McDonald's next time.

Bad Day 114--Happy Flu Shots Day!

The children are not happy with me because I made them get flu shots today. Well, actually just Child 2 and Child 3 because Child 1 has been bugging me to take them for a month. But now it's over and done and we're all protected from the flu so that's at least something. If only they would make a shot that would protect me from whatever stomach ailment I have that won't go away and makes it hard to do anything.

I was all set to write a long post whining about how difficult my life is, which it is, and then I watched the news and saw pictures of people who really are having a worse day like this. These people are waiting for the bus in NYC because the subways still aren't running fully.



Or these people on Staten Island who lost their entire house.



Or these people in NJ not far from where I lived when I was little.



I hate perspective because it makes me look petty. So here's to you, people of NY and NJ and everywhere along the east coast who are still without power and whose communities have been devastated. My heart goes out to you and thank you for making me grateful that I have power, and my home is OK, and my family is all alive, even if one of them is in Afghanistan.