Bad Day 34--Two sleeps.

Could I have just one day without crying, please? I mean seriously, Husband will be home on Wed. (our anniversary) and there I was this morning sobbing on the phone about how much I miss him and how hurt I am that he went to Afghanistan. I think I mentioned before that he was having a mid-life crisis and wisely chose not to chase blondes. But honestly I wish he had bought a convertible instead of saving Afghanistan.

So, to make myself feel better I got my hair cut. It's a rather nice style change--just different enough for people to notice and I think it makes me look younger, and maybe a little thinner although I think that thinner part might be because I'm losing weight. I don't know for certain if I have lost anything or how much because I do not weigh myself. Ever. Even at the doctor's I tell the nurse I'm going to close my eyes when I step on the scale and she tells me when she's finished and hides the chart from me. (I love my nurse!) But the pants I bought and never wore because they were a little tight and then I gained weight, I can now button. AND zip. And my too small London Olympics T-shirt? I wore it last week and it was considerably less snug, although the one I bought in London will never fit until I am the size I was when I got married. So I think I am thinner, probably from all the stress. Just my luck that the only thing that can make me lose weight is sending Husband to Afghanistan. I hope it's worth it and I lose at least 25 lbs.

Here is a picture of my new haircut:



Ha! You thought I was going to post a picture of me! Silly people! I don't take pictures. Only under duress like for a passport. At the Family Reunion my brother-in-law said he was looking through 12 years of photos and he couldn't find a single one of me. I felt very triumphant. But even though I don't look as young as Selena Gomez, my hairstyle is similar and I now have bangs. So use your imagination.

I KNOW this man had a worse day than me. He got drunk, slept it off in a dumpster, and then got dumped into a garbage truck which tried twice to compact the trash. What is it with drunk people making bad decisions. Oh yeah, it kind of goes together. So thank you, Mr. Glipatrick, for reminding me to be grateful that I always sleep in my comfy wonderful bed and I never ever wake up smelling like trash.

Bad Day 33--Honeydew isn't just a melon

So Husband comes home in two days and already the list of projects has begun. Artemis, my very wise friend, told me not to do this, but I have an extra parent with no responsibilities for two weeks, and I'm sorry, I need to use him. These are all things I would have to take time off of work to take care of and I can't take time off of work because I already used too many vacation days visiting Husband's family for their reunion. So babe, here is what you get to do when you come home: shop for school supplies, help Child 1 get in needed hours of driving practice, fix the banister, take the car in to find out why that maintenance required light is on, and paint the trim in the downstairs bathroom.

OK, I know I promised you in my first post that I would paint the bathroom myself and then you could laugh at me, but Husband was trying to tell me how to do it and the way things in our house go is that if someone can't help themselves from giving you unhelpful instructions, then they get to do the task themselves. Also, Child 1 reminded me that we also have to paint the upstairs bathroom, so I'll take care of that one instead. I'm thinking something in this color family:



The reason the trim in the downstairs bathroom needs to be painted is because it is an ugly gray color. Who on earth would paint the trim of a 1/2 bath icky gray, you are wondering. I'll tell you who--the same people who painted the walls blood red. When we bought the house, we knew that was the first thing that would have to go. It was the darkest, scariest bathroom ever and it has one tiny light over the vanity so with the blood red walls and dark gray trim, it looked like they were trying to cover up a murder, so we took to calling it the murder bathroom. One time, and I think this may be my most proud parent moment, Child 1 announced as she entered the murder bathroom, "Colonel Mustard with the candlestick in the bathroom!" She is very witty, that Child 1. So fodder for Clue jokes aside, the blood red walls served no good purpose and had to go and I did successfully paint them a lovely blush pink, that is, what I could reach because I am not very tall and Husband had to help some. But I never got around to the trim and I've finally had enough of the ugly gray and I want him to paint it when he gets home because he will have a lot more free time than me.

Also, I think he should have some of the joy of shopping off the school supply list that asks for things like one blue plastic folder with two pockets and brads, one green paper folder with brads and no pockets, 2 jumbo size glue sticks and 4 small sized glue sticks. I mean, couldn't I just pay the teacher $200 and let her order it all from Staples? It would so be worth it because last year we went to four stores, (four!) and we still couldn't find everything and I finally gave up on the purple plastic folder forever because every single one in the state had already been sold and I just sent Child 3 to school without it and no one ever said anything so apparently she didn't really need it anyway.

All in all, today was a pretty good day. The In-laws are in town and came for dinner along with Husband's brother's wife's brother and his wife. Did you get that? Neither did anyone else so just call them our in-laws. And it was fun and we told family stories and I am a really good cook and I didn't make spaghetti, so Child 2 had no complaints and everyone liked the food. And Annie Lennox is on the closing ceremony along with Pet Shop Boys and did I mention the part about Husband being home in two days? So today, there are lots of people having a worse day than me and two of them are Olympic Wrestlers who missed their matches because they were late.



It would be a nightmare to miss competing because you read the schedule wrong. So thank you, Saleh Emara, for reminding me to always double-check the schedule and that I am right to want to be early to everything.

Bad Day 32--It's my fault and I don't care!

So today, I know who had a worse day than me and it is because I made her and I don't feel bad about it one bit because she totally deserved it.

You know those kids in elementary school that drove you crazy because they followed all the rules? And not only did they follow them, they also wanted to make sure that everyone else followed them, too. You remember, they would raise their hand and say, "Miss Olsen, Tommy is looking at my paper!"  And then they would turn and give poor Tommy that triumphant look because they had tattled and probably Tommy wasn't looking at their paper at all but was  just daydreaming and now he's in trouble for nothing.

These are also the people who drive 55 in the left lane. And they count the items in your cart when you're in the express lane. And most of them work in the DMV. Anyway, you know who I'm talking about and they drive you crazy, especially when you are still following the rules but they need to say something anyway like, "Exactly 15 items. Good thing that pack of razors only counts as one." Or the speed limit is actually 65 but they are still going 55. Anyway, I am generally a rule follower although I try not to be nasty to anyone about it and today I had followed ALL the rules I was not going to let some prissy old biddy stop me just because she felt like exercising her tiny little bit of power.

So here is what happened. I went to pick up Child 1 and Child 2 who were coming back from visiting family and I left really early so I could make it to the airport in time to get a pass that would let me meet them at the gate. I won't say which airline they were flying on, but here is a picture of it.



So anyway, I had paid a $100 unaccompanied minor fee because Child 2 isn't yet old enough to fly by herself and her older sister doesn't count as an adult and even though they were on a direct, non-stop flight they still made me pay it. When dropping off aforementioned children for the flight out, we stood in line for an hour and then they took all my information and put it in the computer and gave me a pass and I took them to the gate and waved good-bye. Well, this time, I got to the airport early because of the long line I knew I would have to stand in and it was a good thing, too, because it is the same line full of people who have missed their flights and are really, really angry and there were a lot of them today and none of them were nice.

But, a nice employee came up and saw I didn't have any luggage and asked why I was in the line. I told her I was picking up unaccompanied minors and she nicely said, I can help you at this computer over here. So I followed her over to the computer and she put in the flight info and found my children's names and that is when the trouble started. You see, when the brilliant individual entered in all the data when they boarded the flight, they forgot to put in my name as being the person picking up the children. The nice employee said it wasn't a problem because my name was probably written on the packet with the boarding passes that they children had on the plane and she would issue the pass anyway. Well, Miss Nosy two computers away overheard and decided to mess things up because she stopped re-booking the flights of the very angry people and ran over and said "You can't do that!" Nice Employee said she could, she had done it before, that's what the instructions were, and it would all be OK. Just to make sure she asked me my phone number and I rattled it off and it matched and she said , "See, it's her." So Miss Nosy said she couldn't, it was against regulations and it wasn't allowed. I chimed in with "I'm their mother, they have the same last name as me and I'm the one who bought the ticket and dropped them off originally." She ma'med me in a huffy voice and said that didn't matter and didn't I understand that what happened before with another child was. . . . Well, I cut her off with the fact that I didn't care what had happened before, I wasn't interested in any previous problems, and that if Delta  the unnamed airline hadn't entered the information correctly, that was their problem and not mine and they needed to fix it.

The thing Miss Nosy didn't know is that I'm rather an expert on international custody battles and I fully understand that someone could try to lie and pre-empt a pick-up and run off with the children. However, I also knew that wasn't the case and that if I didn't pick up my children, no one would, because there is no one else. As I mentioned before, I am here. By myself. Alone. The. Only. Parent. Left. Well, after my speech, she got even huffier and puffed out her chest and said, "Ma'm, what if their father. . ." Oh, well that set me off! So I gave her my dirtiest look and said in an extremely loud and firm voice so that everyone around could hear, "Their father is in AFGHANISTAN!!" That shut her up pretty much immediately and she slunk back to her computer. Nice employee issued my pass, and I thanked her and went and picked up the children who had a great flight and the flight attendants were very kind and took good care of them and fed them.

I realize that I could have been nicer, but I was running out of time after having stood in a long line full of cranky people and I'm sorry, but it was none of Miss Nosy's business. So I realize that I am part of the cause of Miss Nosy having a bad day, but honestly, it's really mostly her fault for being in infuriating, bossy pain in the neck and she is exactly the type of person who should not work at an airline counter.

So now all my children are under the same roof and I am much happier. And they even said they missed me, so that was the best thing of all. You'll have to excuse me now because I now need to go hug and kiss them until they yell "MOM! STOP IT!" I love it when they do that. :-)

Bad Day 31--Tomorrow is another day

This post is not for children. Especially not my children. So Child 2, stop reading right now because I know you didn't listen to the first part. That goes for you, too, Child 3. I mean it. Turn off the computer right now! I'm going to talk about mushy love stuff.

See what you did? You made me lie to my children.You may have noticed that I didn't include Child 1 in my instructions, but that is only because she never listens to me anyway and also she doesn't think she is a child. So Child 1, read ahead at your own peril and we can talk about this tomorrow when you come home.

I'm not really going to talk about mushy love stuff, but I really don't want my children reading the rest of this post (although I know you all still are anyway) because this post is going to talk about the elephant in the room. I know that you are thinking that I'm not a very serious person. This is only true most of the time. Some of the time, I am deadly serious. I am only frivolous and silly on the surface. Husband once accused me of not being very introspective. I'm still upset about this comment because it is completely untrue. I know it's untrue because I'm a worrier. I worry about everything--whether I locked the door when I left, if I'll remember to get gas on the way home, how the children will do in school this year, if The Dog is going to bite someone and I'll be blamed for it. Because everything is always my fault, I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can be more perfect so that bad things won't happen and it won't be my fault.

The problem is that bad things are happening and they aren't my fault and I can't do anything about them and I've discovered that it is awful worrying about things you can do nothing at all about. So I've decided to employ another stress management technique which I'm very fond of--The Scarlett O'Hara method of stress reduction which is basically to think about everything later. I can hear you scoffing at this method and mocking me for pretty much acting like an ostrich. But the joke's on you because this method works. Scarlett gets a lot of grief, but she had a rough life and she did everything she could to make sure that she and her family survived. She lost husband after husband and what is not shown in the movie is that she had a child by each of them and she was going to do everything in her power to make sure they didn't starve. She would pick herself up and get to work about the business of survival and think about the hard things later, all while managing to wear the most beautiful clothes. I don't know if she had a thing for purses, but that red dress she wore to Melanie's birthday party was amazing.



So I idolize Scarlett and I really need to channel her today because I know for certain that there is someone very much like me out there and she is having a much, much worse day than me. It is probably the worst day of her life so far and it probably won't be better for a long time. I can only imagine how awful it is to lose your husband and be left with putting the pieces of your family back together. But I can imagine it, and I do so frighteningly often. Here she was just like me, perhaps writing in a blog about how difficult the children are and how she doesn't like her dog and how much she misses her husband and then, she gets the news that her life will be just like that forever and she will miss her husband for the rest of her life because he is gone. Someone took him away from her and there is nothing she can do to get him back. I think about this and I think about how grateful I am that it was not my husband, and then I think how small minded it would seem to her if she knew that I thought that. So there you are. She is facing the worst, and she is probably much better at it than me. I'll think about that tomorrow while I'm shopping for a red dress, or maybe another purse.

Bad Day 30--Breathe, just breathe

I can't believe it's been about a month since Husband left. Well, actually I can. It feels much more like months and months, so what I mean is that I can't believe I've survived a whole month. I did not cry today. I really, really wanted to, but I had to hold it together to give a presentation and attend a bunch of meetings. So I white knuckled it and managed to get through everything by telling myself that I could fall apart later. And then later came, and I was OK, which totally shocked me.

It helps that Husband is coming home next week and that he arrives on our anniversary. I won't say which number it is, but it's a big one and I have been working hard to figure out what to get him. For the very first time ever, I have present anxiety. He, perhaps having been embarrassed by all the mentions of jewelry on my blog and facebook page, has actually already bought me something which arrived today and which I very righteously did not open. That is a big deal for me because once I opened my Christmas presents on December 23rd because I couldn't wait any longer and I always read the end of the book first to see if I'm going to like it. So not opening the present which is just sitting here on Husband's dresser taunting me is a big big deal, and since I told him I wouldn't, I won't open it until he comes home. On our anniversary. Which would be present enough. (So maybe I could just take a peek? But no, that would be wrong.)

But anyway, I have been planning his present for months, but it has been much more difficult to put together than I imagined so we'll see if it's all done in time and I'm afraid he'll be disappointed and he'll think I just did it at the last minute, which I didn't. So we'll see.

This woman in China had a way, way worse day than me. Check out this picture of what was living in her ear. But I warn you, it will give you the willies!



Yes, that's right. She had a spider. In her ear. Living there. For five days! I'm shivering just thinking about it and am very, very grateful that Husband has snored most of our married life so that I now always sleep with earplugs because I never, ever, ever, ever want a spider in my ear! Excuse me while I go flush mine out with saline.

Bad Day 29--Good friends, great food, good day, but still bad

Today wasn't bad. It was pretty good in fact, and if it weren't for the whole Afghanistan thing, it would have been great. A woman today whom I really admire and want to be like told me I was remarkably calm. That made me happy, but to be fair, she hasn't seen the sobbing, so she doesn't have the whole picture.

Then my friends invited me over to dinner and cooked great food and entertained me with stories and their kids sat in my lap and hugged me and told me my earrings were pretty. So that was great, too. The problem is, there is this whole undercurrent of loss and longing and stress and fear. It keeps me from completely letting go and enjoying myself. But it's getting better, so maybe at some point I will get used to the whole separation thing. but in a way, that thought makes me sad because then Husband being in Afghanistan will just be normal and I don't want this to be normal. I want it to be temporary.

But anyway, I had great food tonight and I didn't have to buy or cook it and it was especially welcome because when I came home today, the electricity was out. This should not be a big deal, you are thinking, especially for someone who has lived in China and Korea where the electricity went out all the time. Once in Korea, it went out for 4 days in a row after a typhoon dropped a 50 ft. tree on our house. and we moved into a hotel until it came back on. But that was before last month and the Great Derecho. For those of you who don't know, a derecho is a storm that moves fast, like a hurricane but starts on land and knocks down all the trees in its path and if you live in Tree City, USA, then it also knocks down all the power lines and you have no power and you can't buy gasoline and you can't drive to New York which is what you were planning to do until all the trees fell down and trapped you. And so now, the power going out makes me panic a little bit, but fortunately, it was on when I came home from dinner with my friends.

There are all kinds of things you can do without electricity. You can grill in the backyard. You can play games by candlelight. You can have a dinner that is entirely made of meat from your freezer, and frozen fruit. Your children can light every candle in the house and then you can yell at them that 20 candles on the floor is a fire hazard and do they want to kill you all? These things are fun to do for approximately 6 hours, and then the whining starts. And when it is 105 outside BEFORE the heat index and you have no air-conditioning and you are all stuck in the same room of the house trying to keep cool and wishing you were in New York, then they are fun for about 10 minutes. So you can see why not having electricity when I came home was disconcerting and plus, how would I Skype with Husband without electricity. I felt like calling the power company and saying that they had better fix my power pretty quick or I would ship them all to Afghanistan, but I didn't. I was polite and they delivered. For once.

Randy Travis is having a worse day than me and I am very angry with him for it. He had one of the best voices in country music ever and his version of King of the Road is one of my favorites. But he decided to drive drunk and naked in Texas and he got caught. Dumb, dumb, dumb. I have no patience with drunk drivers so a big raspberry to you, Randy! May everyone look at your mug shot and be glad they aren't that stupid.

Bad Day 28--It's not a lie if you believe it

OK. So I'm not exactly 35. But that's how old people think I am when they guess, so I'm going with that. I used to only admit to 29, but now that Child 1 is a junior in high school, she thinks that's a little too young, so I'm going with 35. Listen, youth is fleeting and beauty is only skin deep, but a good moisturizer will allow you to live a lie for a long, long time. Plus, in my head I stopped aging at 35, so it's all OK.

It used to bother me greatly that people thought I was younger than I am. When I was 18 and I was handed a kids' menu at a restaurant, I would seethe with indignation. So I started wearing lots of make-up and very high heels, which I just can't be bothered to do anymore now that no one would ever think I'm a child. My mother always said I would be happy when I was older, but I never believed her because who believes their mother ever? Certainly not my children. Like when I tell Child 1 that she is movie beautiful she doesn't believe me even though her whole life people have asked me to let her model and I did when she was little but I would never let her now because modeling is icky. Child 2 believes everything I say, but she tunes me out with headphones most of the time so I'm not sure that counts. And Child 3 is still in the phase where she thinks she can conquer the world and I so don't ever want her to grow out of it and I keep telling her to stop growing and she doesn't listen to me!

As much as I hate to admit it, my mother was right and I love it when I tell people to guess my age and they are completely wrong, but in a good way. When Child 1 was small, she used to ask how old I was and I would tell her to guess and she would say "16!" And I would say "you're right!" And she would run away very proud of herself and I would smile loving the fact that she thought 16 was old, and boy what did she know about old! So for years she totally had no idea how old I was. Then years later, when she could count, she figured it out and told Child 2 who said "No she's not! She's 29 cuz she told me!" See? I told you Child 2 believes everything I say! Bless that Child 2.

Today, I found out that Husband is definitely coming home next week for his first R&R. I know. You are thinking that it is a little soon. And you may be right, but I don't care what you think. You know when is not too soon to come home? 28 days ago, that's when! And the reason I know he is definitely coming home is because I made his flight reservations. See, he couldn't get his travel office in Kabul to pay any attention to his reservations and they kept telling him it would be difficult to find a flight and then they kept not finding any. So I said, I'll fix that. And I marched right down to the travel office and they found a flight in like 5 minutes so I had them reserve it for him and now he is coming home to me. And I can't wait. I'm like a kid the week before Christmas or a Senior the week before graduation. I can't think about anything else and I can't get any work done. So tomorrow I'll have to buckle down and do some. OK, that's not technically true. I actually accomplished a lot at work today, but I did occasionally daydream and it made me happy.

So today, the UK immigration officers who gave visas to the Cameroonian Olympians are having a worse day than me.



I can testify that there is nothing a visa officer dislikes more than to learn that someone they gave a temporary visa to has lied to them and claimed asylum or is just working illegally. I could tell you stories from my time in China that would make you comb the streets of Texas looking for illegal Chinese aliens that I issued visas to in good faith. Or, at least that is what it made my Dad do. Except that I actually asked him to do that and he sent me lots of good evidence and I revoked that visa! So to the UK visa officers in Cameroon, I am very sorry for your bad day and I am SO glad it was not me that issued those Olympic visa jumpers.