We're trying a new homework system for Child 3 where she works for 30 minutes and then takes a break. She is even using my iPod as a really expensive stop watch. However, we did not have a conversation before we started that sitting staring into space or playing with the dog or making Hawaiian punch and spilling it on the carpet and cleaning it up all do not count as actually doing homework. Day one of this experiment and we are both already frustrated, so I'm not sure it's going to work. I will either be bald or completely gray by the time this school year is over and I swear that next year I. am. not. doing. a. single. project. Not one. Nope. None. Husband can do them all and see how fun it is. His hair is already gray and his hairline has already receded and he is not a girl, so there is less danger for him anyway. And plus, he is supposed to be the optimist in the family, so maybe he will believe that whatever system he tries will actually work and the stress will not keep him awake at night.
At the same time that I'm monitoring Child 3's homework, I'm helping Child 1 with a presentation on the use of silence in stage directions to elicit emotion. Seriously, it's like I'm doing high school all over again. And 5th grade. And 8th grade. I can't wait for summer, except I don't actually get any time off because I have used up all my vacation days. It is so not fair. The Department should so give me extra time off when Husband comes home, too. Right now, our plans appear to include him visiting his family for a couple of weeks without me while I am home alone with The Dog. This does not seem like a fair plan to me. If he is going on vacation, he should drive and take The Dog with him. All that alone time in the car with the kids whining and arguing over which DVD to watch wouldn't even begin to make up for my year of handling things without him, but it would give him a nice taste of it.
This man in Germany is having a worse day than me. He got stuck in a chimney and the firemen had to open a hole in the second floor to get him out. Oh, and he was naked at the time. This is apparently a not uncommon phenomenon because the picture below is not actually of the man in Germany, but is of one in Brazil who had a similar problem.
So thank you, naked chimney climber, for reminding me to be grateful that I have never been dumb enough to try to climb up a chimney, especially not in my birthday suit. I'm wondering if anyone gave him a breathalizer, because that doesn't seem to be something you would want to do while sober or sane. I'm so glad I am both sober and sane at the moment. Although check with me again in 30 minutes after Child 3 has yet again managed to not do her homework.