Sunday, September 2, 2012

Bad Day 54--Be careful what you wish for

Tomorrow is family picture day and I am a little panicked. Mostly because I absolutely positively hate pictures and also I have nothing to wear. Child 3 is willing to solve this problem for me by picking out my clothes for me, but that could be a little dangerous unless I want to look like 80s fashion Barbie. I am a firm believer in the fashion rule that if you wore the trend the first time around, you shouldn't have to wear it the next time. So no neon for me, thank you. Also, I'm happy to leave the rainbow shoelaces to the children. I have managed to find lovely navy blue clothing for the rest of the family that coordinates very nicely, but I can't decide on my own outfit. I'm leaning toward a bag. To put over my head. Sometimes, I think a burka might not be such a bad idea. Then our family picture could look like this.

We had lasagna for dinner because it is Husband's favorite and it was his last Sunday dinner. We all had fun mocking Child 2 for not liking lasagna. It turns out that she does like lasagna, just not homemade. She likes the kind that is frozen in a box. Can someone please come do a DNA test to see if she is really my child? She looks exactly like Husband, and I was there when I gave birth to her so I'm pretty sure I'm the mother, but how can she be my daughter if she likes frozen lasagna better than my fabulous homemade four cheese version?

Then, in the middle of dinner Child 3 announced that she would like to try being vegetarian for a week. Not vegan, because she likes milk and cheese too much, just vegetarian. She thinks this would help her lose weight. But she is not even an ounce overweight, so we don't know where this is coming from. But she is adamant that wants to try it, so I will support her. Child 1 thinks it's a horrible idea and vowed that she will never ever give up meat, which is a good thing because sometimes it is all she eats. Child 1, if you remember, is a picky eater and hates all good things like mangoes, nuts, and tomatoes. She announced that when we move to our next home, she is going to tell everyone she is allergic to tomatoes and nuts. I told her that is only a good idea if she never wants to eat pizza or spaghetti again, because if you are allergic to fresh tomatoes, you are also allergic to the cooked ones and that includes pasta sauce. She said she would think about it.

Then all three of them proceeded to hate on the delicious pecan pie we had for dessert. Child 1: the nuts are too dry and the pie is all mushy. (Sigh, where do I begin?) Child 3: I hate almonds. (So what? There are no almonds in this pie!) Child 2: It's pronounced "PEE-can." (No it's not! It's puh-CAWN as every good Texan knows and again, are you related to me?)

But even with the bickering, two good things happened spontaneously. Child 1 told Child 2 she could sit next to her on the school bus. (Heart. Is. Melting.) And then Child 1 and Child 3 were torturing each other with the massager. That sounds mean, but they were giggling uncontrollably so really it was a bonding thing. I hope.

Jonah Lehrer is having a worse day than me. He was recently fired from for plagiarism. I have always abhorred cheating, so I'm not sad that he is paying the price for stealing from other people, and sometimes just making things up and passing it off as his own work. So thank you, Jonah, for reminding me that integrity can be its own reward. So in the interest of full disclosure, I will fully admit that I loved Erma Bombek and read all of her books when I was younger, and that Norah Ephron is my favorite writer of all and if any of my writing sounds similar to theirs, it is merely because I aspire to be like them, and not because I have stolen stories. Plus, neither of their husbands ever left them to live in Afghanistan.

1 comment:

  1. Like I told Husband on the phone tonight, LOVE YOUR BLOG!