Child 1 passed her driver's exam today, so she now can officially drive without me. She couldn't be more thrilled and is now out driving around by herself and I think I'm having a heart attack. I just remember when she was little and she used to literally cling to my leg and had to be in the same room with me all the time--a lot like The Dog, actually, only way way cuter and less smelly. I have a lot of pictures of her looking up at me while bear-hugging my leg. I miss those days because I always knew where she was. I used to be terrified of SIDS, but teenagedom is a whole new kind of terror because I realize that I am completely not in control. Sorry friends with babies and toddlers. It doesn't get better when they get older, it only gets worse. My saving grace is that Child 1 is a very mature, responsible teenager so I know she'll be fine. I'm sure she'll be fine. She'll be fine, right? This is when it would be so , so nice to have the calm and relaxed parent here instead of in Afghanistan.
Husband used to always joke that he was going to volunteer for an unaccompanied tour when the girls were teenagers, but I didn't think he actually meant it. That was supposed to be a joke and I laughed when he would say it. I am so not laughing now and I will never, ever forgive him for making me responsible for buying the second car. Child 1 asks about the car every. single. day. Approximately 50 times a day, but I may be underestimating. Apparently driving the family minivan is way too much to ask and she needs a car now. Yesterday, in fact. This is not fun for me because I don't ever want to go car shopping again, not that the salesmen on Saturday weren't perfectly nice, but they were salesmen and I hate feeling pressure and my default is just to run away which makes it really hard to buy a car because you can't sign a contract while you're fleeing.
Child 3 is rebelling in her own special 9 year old way. She is disappearing every time I tell her to do a chore and I've already grounded her from TV and she still completely ignores me. I caught her tonight not doing her chores and sent her to bed and instead of going to bed, she went upstairs to watch the Disney Channel. I hate the Disney channel. Not only is it responsible for inflicting Mylie Cyrus on the public, it is the source of the worst kind of bad behavior--sassiness. Have you ever noticed that every adult on every show is stupid and incompetent and it's a running gag at how bad they are at everything so their 11 year old child has to step in and save them and then make fun of them? Once, just once, I would like to have a sensitive, wise, yet well-dressed Mom on one of those shows. But no, idiocy reigns supreme and I am certain that channel is the reason my child thinks it's OK to never listen to a thing I say. You've convinced me. I'm blocking it tomorrow. Now I have to go stop The Dog from licking the carpet.
This woman in Tacoma is having a worse day than me. She suspected something was up with her husband when facebook suggested she might know someone. Turns out the "someone" was her husband's second wife. The only problem was, he hadn't divorced her first. Today, he plead guilty to bigamy. So thank you, ex-Mrs. O'Neill, for reminding me to be grateful that Husband left his facebook open on the home computer when he left for Afghanistan and if he had a second wife on there, the children would have told me. They had a lot of fun scrolling through his friend list.
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