Monday, April 22, 2013

Bad Day 286--One is not a lonely number

It is a Monday night and I am completely on my own. Child 1 is out, Child 3 is on a date with Artemis for some girl time, and Child 2 is still not back from NYC, so I ate dinner in bed while watching Magnum P.I. while trying to ignore The Dog who won't leave me alone. Honestly, she is the dumbest dog. If she knew which side her bread was buttered on, she would love the children and ignore me entirely. But since she's a dog, she is genetically programmed to chase things she can't catch--me being just one of them. Also birds, squirrels, rabbits, her tail. Sigh.

It's strange to know that this is only the beginning and that someday, not too far in the future, the children won't be around to not do the dishes/throw their books on the floor/watch TV instead of doing their homework. There were days when I couldn't even go to the bathroom without someone interrupting and it always seemed like those days would never, ever end. And please, no helpful tips about locking the door. If you have ever had a two-year-old kicking the door and screaming non-stop while you are in the bathroom, then you should remember just how much fun that is and why I stopped locking the door. There were years when I never slept alone in my bed and sometimes had two or three extra people in it--especially when Husband was on business trips, but sometimes just because they wanted to be with us. Once, after I arrived in China after a long separation, I awoke in the middle of the night to find children all over my bedroom floor. They must have missed me because that floor was hardwood and couldn't have been comfortable to sleep on. The only reason they weren't actually in the bed was because it was too small and too hard. King sized mattress my foot! More like a queen box spring.

So now, I look at my empty bed, and shout Wahoo! Finally, no one to steal the covers or kick me in the middle of the night! I've been sleeping horizontally just because I can. Hey, I love my children and Husband, but a girl needs her beauty rest and I am going to enjoy the peace and quiet while I can.

Speaking of bathrooms, this woman in Kansas is having a worse day than me. She went to the restroom and found this.

Apparently, one of the circus tigers had escaped and they had blockaded it in the bathroom, but they neglected to block all the doors. So when she opened the door, she saw this big tiger walking toward her, so she quickly went back out the door and surprisingly did not have a heart attack. I hope the circus comped her tickets because honestly, don't people have nightmares about things like that? OK, maybe just me, but thank you, Ms. Tiger Escaper, for reminding me to never, ever go to the circus. Screaming children in my bathroom is stress enough, thank you. Now excuse me while I go eat chips in  my bed because there is no one to tell me not to.


  1. Sounds like Dog has learned what side her bread is buttered on.

    Enjoy, my Dearest Dear.


  2. p.s. You really did look stunning.

    1. Darling Artemis, only you would think I was stunning on a bad hair day when I have cried off all my make-up. That is why I love you.

  3. I can lock the door all I want, and all it takes is the boy running downstairs to get a bamboo skewer to pop said lock. Really, why is being in the bathroom with me so darn exciting?!